Nana who resides a whole whoppin' 60 minutes away claimed to be completely unfamiliar with stink bugs.
- They look like what would be the offspring if a armadillo and fly had a baby, which is to say, ugly as fuck.
- As their moniker implies said ugly ass bugs are stinky if squished.
- Stink bugs, nay, flyadillos appear late summer/early fall and spend every moment attempting to gain entry into your home. Until? Christmas. Depending on when it falls maybe Hanukkah. Ok. I don't know for sure but they're still around after the first frosts of the season, which is bullshit.
- They are awful. And possibly a sign of the apocalypse.
- If you don't know them, congratulations! They are an uber invasive scurge and due to their utter craftiness they are all but impossible to keep at bay. The armored flyin' bug has no known natural enemies to slow its geographical and/or numerical expansion and as of yet there's no keep stink bugs outta my crib ap for that.
Stink bugs are such a nuisance that they're trying to conduct a Stink Bug Census. Obviously I realize a Stink Bug Census sounds like sumthin' fantastical I have concocted for our entertainment. It is not. It. Is. Real. (http://blogs.usda.gov/2013/09/13/stop-stink-bug-project/)
The arrival of (last) stink bug season conincided with Nana's visit. The first day a
All the while Nana contends that a few miles away they have zero stink bugs. Which, of course, I find boggling, but Nana, obviously has no reason to lie to us about, ya know, a bug.
A few days later I returned Nana to her Nana nest. As I opened my door and hopped out of my ride and I watched a stink bug who had hitched a ride in the door jamb fly away. Needless to say this caused me to stop and double over in laughter.
Yesterday a few hours after I had placed my daily Nana call my phone rang. It was Nana.
Nana: Hello Miss. BBG (Nana, for reasons I do not know, calls me Miss BBG.) Something just happened I thought you would want to know...
BBG: (Silently waits, crossing fingers that, 'I just fell and broke my hip' isn't to follow)
Nana: I was just in the kitchen, looked out the window and saw a stink bug hanging on the screen.
BBG: (inexplicably and inappropriately exuberant laughter ensues) You'rrrrrre welcome!
I feel both fulfilled, and fairly certain I'm goin' to hell.