Some folks pride themselves on the material things they possess or public achievements they can cite. I pride that I know how to nut the fuck up. I'm not makin' a moral judgment, just explaining what I value. In my mind I believe I can outlast, out smart, out crafty, out tenacious, outfox or out ass kick most situations in life. BBGConfession: More frequently than I enjoy I am, in fact, proved wrong.
For better, or worse, it is how I'm wired.
On one hand, the following is something I'd almost never make a public peep about. Under any circumstances. (You'll know that because until now you've never heard a peep about this and this disclosure comes as a complete 'n utter surprise.) On the other hand, I value keepin' it real, enough so that I feel like to continue to not mention it starts shifting into fib-dom. Plus, keeping it
...I also value bein' a true friend. So here are the real details
One day Mom mentions that it looks like I've lost weight. This comes as a surprise to me, I hop on the measuring device (
|Arms: Bruises in the|
front, bruises in the back.
Yesterday I sat in the recliner chair for the first time in 6-8 weeks. Until then the pain in my knees 'n hips was too great and my actual ability to get up from such a low starting point was too small.
To a couple of people I've referred to myself as 'Bruise-y McGee'.
The other day I recognized I was 'doin' better' by the fact that I hadn't had to worry about whether my glass of water was too big/heavy to reasonably manage in the past several hours.
Currently I'm apt to let out a somewhat startling 'hoooooo' from time to time
Actual Lupus Facts:
- At least 15M Americans have Lupus. (Q: Why 'At Least'? Often Lupus is misdiagnosed as other issues.) 16K new cases are diagnosed annually.
- Lupus generally appears between 15-44, mostly in women and particularly in chicks o' color (who are 3x more likely to pop Lupus positive than caucasians)
|(Source: Lupus Foundation of America)|
Lupus is actively tryin' to murderl my spleen. (BBGConfession: I feel like between my tonsils and appendix I've given up as many organs as I'm comfortable with. ...Seriously? On who's scale is that not enough??
Excess fluid 'round the heart? Check. Again, merci, Loop.
Kidneys? What about the kidneys? Oh, don't worry, they've been invited to the Lupus luau too.
I am off the cane, but there was a period of time that I was incapable of walking any distance without it, both from a stability and sheer pain standpoint. While it's
...Speaking of pills. Two months ago my daily pill intake was zero. Today it's 23. My cell chimes 8 times each day to remind my ass to take sumthin' to prevent any Lupus-y aspect from worsening. (
|Lupus by sight:|
Top = not great, but not as
awful as the bottom pic.
Joints swell and get hot.
As mysteriously as Lupus flares come on (mine was probably no Scooby-Doo worthy mystery, all seem pretty confident mine was spurred on from a kidney infection I brewed in October setting my body on a jihad against my own joints and organs) they subside (to some greater or lesser degree, the bounds of which I really can't say as this is all new to me and I just don't have the cumulative experience with). I can see it happening when I notice things once nearly
So, there. You know a bit about the real deal of Lupus. My flavor, at least; In addition to the Lupus in my family (which is disingenuous to say, Drs. tell us that Lupus is not hereditary. Two sisters and a daughter is a fluke.
Now. Kindly indulge me a couple of
As a chick with the Loop, and this is just me, I'd ask ya not to get all, I'm sooo sorry. I now realize that that sounds like a bitchy thing to say, but listen, I just read some story about a child with half a head, and I can name ya entirely too fuckin' many friends who are battling cancer for their actual lives-- to be alive next week, or next year. This, while seriously shittastic isn't that. I mean, don't be sorry 'cause life is happening, ya know?
And lastly, part of the truth and reality about #LupusLife that I've learned, that I want you to know is that a Looper knows how they feel right now. Tomorrow could be 180 degrees different. If one can't accurately anticipate how they'll be doing 24 hours from now it's impossible to say with any degree of certainty 'yes' to a commitment next month. It's why I'm now qualifying that my making a plan with ya is predicated on if on that day I'm able. Before I wrote that I knew it was shitty... But it is the reality.
I'll keep you up on the new things I discover as I experience them from time to time. Not for whining purposes, but because all it takes to prompt others into getting alright with their bag of crap is for one friend to be ok with theirs, and speak up about it instead of worrying about what someone else will think of 'em.
Until next time, keep it real, my friend.