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Monday, November 24, 2014

~ Girlcott 2014

The list of things I boycott is, admittedly, lengthy.  But honestly?  What's wrong with putting one's money where their mouth and conscience is?  People should support whatever strikes their personal fancy.  I've been boycotting all non-American owned and operated breweries since before I was legally old enough to drink.  (so long, PBR)  I'm currently in the midst of breaking up with boycotting McDonald's. 

"Where we can do?  We should do."     - BBG

As much as I believe in a responsibility to boycott shit I am diametrically opposed to, for some reason/the fuckin' other, I also believe there is an equal responsibility to girlcott* (the opposite of boycotting) things I dig and respect.

I don't want to sound sexists, but girlcotting is unequivocally the best kind of cotting.  Apologies, boys. 

Unlike boycotting, which serves to punish, girlcotting serves to reward (everyone).  #PositiveCorporateReinforcement

...And when rewarding an entity that aligns with your view of how the world oughta be, plus you still get to get/have/do what you want?  Girlcott participation is a no-brainer.

#SecondPlateSolidarity
Also a should-be no-brainer?  The notion that people ought to, unless they work a It's-Imperative-for-the-Wellbeing-of-Mankind kind of job, be able to take the day to gather with friends and/or family for Thanksgiving without greedy ass corporations making that fuckin' impossible.  Sadly, because this blog-y world is the only one I've been granted oversight of it's not. 

The truth is by the time Santa stops waving at lil' prade watchin' kids Thursday morn' mom's, grandpa's and cousins all over the country will leave their families to save a couple of bucks on some item that (Spoiler:) in 17 months the recipient won't remember they own.  Clearly, a too damn many lot of American brains subscribe to the mindset of;  I gotz ta git mine

Companies gotz ta git their profits.  ...Money.  People love you more than Granny's stuffing.  Fine.  Apparently, more than Granny.  And if that means they have to manipulate sell consumers on the myth that in order to properly 'git theirs' saving $17 is a better expenditure of Thanksgiving Day time than spending time with those gathered 'round their table?  So.  Fucking.  Be.  It.

I'm sure heaven, the after life, whatever you cotton to, is filled with dead loved one's who's last thought was, 'That (insert sweet ass deal item here) was better than just one more conversation.  Good call, (loved one)'.

We (of the collective variety) fall for it.  In droves.  Dumbasses.  It takes two to fuck up the holiday fabric of our culture tango.  But I feel extra blame gets assessed towards business as they leave their workers no choice about how they'll choose to spend the day.  Greedy ass bastards tracing back to Scrooge McDuck have historically gravitated towards this tactic.    

It's time to Tiny Tim up.  WWTTD?  

Honestly?  I have no clue.  But I like to imagine, that like you, he'd be on board with a well deserved girlcott.


As a reward to the non-greedy Thanksgiving day at least companies that when it came down to Put Up v. Shut Up of showing how they 'value their employees', picked Put Up, these are places I'll be girlcotting over the next few weeks.  If your conscience tells you people who aren't police officers, nurses, pilots, gas station workers, hotel staff, the person who keeps the electricity from switchin' off in your area, et al essential to society not falling into anarchy should have an opportunity to spend a family/friend day with family 'n friends?  Girlcott the shit outta 'em: 

 


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Friday, November 21, 2014

~ Cat Wine

Cat wine.  Two words I never assumed would ever be combined. 


But here we are.

I'm guessing this is wine made for people as it was tucked away with the rest of the people hooch, and not in the pet aisle.  Plus, cats are historically pretty fuckin' bad with wine openers...  After that I'm not real sure what's happening.  And now I am curious as to Rog, Dee 'n Dwayne's where abouts. (What's Happening!! shout out)  PETA probably wouldn't stand for cat cold presses and feline fermentation?  Therefore, I suppose actual wine made of cats is out. 

Leaving me to ponder, well, frankly, more than what I want to have to ponder about a product I'm never going to purchase who the target audience is for cat wine?  What that meeting was like?  "...So in conclusion, as you can see the cross over segment between cat ladies and chardonnay is a lucrative market worth courting."  What were the other kitty bottle options?  Were there creepier cat bottle concepts, or was this the creepiest?  Will there be a Hello Kitty crossover event/commemorative bottle?   What is the proper food paring?  Tuna?

So.  Many.  Questions.

I feel like I could use a lil' glug-glug, meow, glug.



Other BBGW Cat-centric Posts


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Thursday, November 13, 2014

~ All The Bald-y Ladies

I know it's wrong to stereotype. 

But frankly, I know lots of things are wrong and do them anyway when I see a bald chick I always see them in the exact same way. 

Immediately I recognize that, oh geez, I donno, girl baldness is a fashion choice, what 2% of the time?  So I already know that rockin' the bald dome is totally Option B.  (aka: I'm just tryin' to stay the fuck alive over here/Hair:  It committed suicide, but I must go on)

In a world seemingly obsessed with the state of a woman's hair--   the fact that extensions and weaves are a thing, and that people spend large amounts of both money and time on 'em?  That female news reporters all over the country routinely get more hair tips than story tips, or critiques?    I mean...  Think of the moxy, inner fortitude and sense of self a woman has to possess to wander into public appearing dramatically different than she's ever known herself, into a world that is not always uber nice, sensitive or understanding.  (aka: chocked full of assholes, imbeciles  and dolts)  No matter how that's sliced, diced or rearranged?  That.  Takes.  Balls.  (Please Note:  Remember that time you were embarrassed and full of self doubt 'cause ya had to go out with a pimple, scar or wrinkle?)

By the time I see her free-ranging in society, unlike most other random ass strangers I see, she's already shown me what she's made of.  In the blink of an eye I know she's a badass.  She woke up bald, has a life to lead and/or is too busy fighting for her life, and fully doesn't give a shit about what you or I think.  #Priorities

Which is a big fuckin' deal. 

Look at men.  Among the XY-ers baldness is a pretty common phenomenon.  They have a pattern named after them for fuck's sake.  You may have heard of it?  Sure some men are perfectly fine being/going bald.  (aka: men I dig)  But for a good number of 'em baldness is traumatic.  How traumatic?  Next time you see a guy in a horrible rug, ahem rather, next time you see a guy in a toupee remind yourself;  That's how overwhelming and uncomfortable being in a state of baldness is to some people.  He'd rather be seen wearing a lopsided raccoon than be seen sans hair in public.  And guys haven't been conditioned their entire lives that their hair is their 'crowning glory'.  ...I'm just sayin' a girl who gets right with herself under bald-y situations is showing you her strength. 

(Dear Wig Wear-ers,
I'm not sayin' you're not strong.  As I've said before I'm a staunch your head/your choice-er.  The reason I don't include you in this, lets face it, blog that no one should put any stock in.  [For clarity's sake, I don't mean this post/subject.  I mean them all.]  The reason is, odds are if you're sportin' a wig?  I'm simply not gonna notice.  I'm sure I pass war hero's when I'm out 'n about too, but if they're not wearin' a Purple Heart hat I don't recognize it in them, ya know? 

[ATTN Men:    Apologies.  This does not apply to you.  We know.  We always know.])

All a bald girl head looks like to me is war paint. 

As someone who generally considers myself strong (although I also keep a list of weaknesses that is longer than is ideal) I know gutting up is hard.  Which is a complete and fucking utter understatement.  And while I don't know what nuttin' up like that is, I know what it's like to have to war.  I know it takes tapping into a strength reserve many of us didn't know we had until we had (no choice but) to have it.   When I see that girl meetin' the world like a badass warrior it not only garners my full respect, but it makes me proud to be a girl.  Proud to be in her ranks.  

I have a friend who just went buzz-buzz, clip-clip, in what I clumsily referred to as Operation New Look (yeah, I'm a real treat to have as a friend) for the first time during her second bout of fighting off cancer.  I hope she knows, I hope all the bald-y ladies know that those looks you feel?  Yeah, they're happening.  And as I mentioned earlier, I can't rule out assholes, imbeciles and dolts you might encounter in this situation or any.  They're out there.  The struggle is real, yo.  But the other looks?   Most of the other looks?  Pride.  Strength.  And good wishes. 


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Tuesday, November 4, 2014

~ Election Day: I'm Pissy. Are You?

Election Day reeeeally pisses me off.  ( -- Apparently, I'm easily holiday irritated, as Memorial Day and Veteran's Day also annually bring out my ire. [see below])

How much so?

...Just about this much:

 

Dear America,

Do.  Fucking.  Better.  You're tellin' me 42% (expected midterm voters today) of givin' a shit about active participation of the framework our forefathers set us up with, and payin' our debt to the men (and women) who ensured our ability to freely do so with their lives...  42%That's all ya got?  Now you know that's some bullshit. 

...And nooooo, not just because I say so.  Because, well, look for yourself: 

According to Wiki:
(they average low turnout [midterm] elections and higher
turnout [presidential] elections during ranking period)

This is America.  Why is Estonia beating us in anything?  (Apologies.  No offense, Estonia.  You are a very pretty girl with a great personality.  Now stop crying.)  ...Let alone leading the chorus on 'Democracy:  This Is How We Do It'?  (Fact:  One of Montell Jordan's more patriotic, but lesser known follow up releases.  [Fact:  That was not an actual fact.  Sometimes I just can't help myself.])  And Malta?  A country that by all rights ought to have a frothy chocolate malt as part of their flag is beating our ass double?  Whaaaat?  

Actual Fact:  We can't continue to be all, "USA, We're #1 U-S-A"-y about everything when we're not first in anything.  Including the shit we actually started.  From Malta to Switzerland they are all out USA-ing us.  ...Which should be unacceptable to any and every American.  

But, clearly, that's not the general consensus 'round here.  

Understandably so.  I guess?  I mean, it's fantasy football season, and do you know how many pumpkin flavored items you can buy now?  Plus ebola?  Basically, elections?...  Ain't nobody got time for 'dat.  People are still bloated from binging on Halloween treats.  Tuesday is probably going to be too rainy/cold/snowy/hot/sunny to get to the polls.  In your mule powered covered wagon, back and forth over the treacherous You're Gonna Die Pass that will take 14 hours.  Coupled with the possibility of standing in a line?  We all know lines are for iPhones, concert tickets, Brown Thursday/Black Friday deals, and every four years the DMV. 

Voting takes time, effort and energy.

...Perhaps if they made it easier for us we'd do better... 

Ya know.  Easier, like, fighting off a buncha red coats whilst tryin' to get a nation off the ground.  Or, maybe easy like giving your life in service to your country.  Until then I guess I'll continue to be pissed off every first Tuesday in November. 

Q: Is this the year you join me?

Love,
~ BBG

Update:  2014 Midterm voter turn out worst in 72 years. Only 36.3% of eligible voters voted.
...Like I said, congratulations 'Murica.

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Sunday, September 21, 2014

~ The Stink Bug Saga

This time last year Nana was here for a visit.  The air was crisp, skies were a crystal blue persuasion (is there any possibility I have watched too much Breaking Bad?) and stink bugs were everywhere.  Now if you don't even know what a stink bug is and what I've described sounds bad?  You've got a pretty good grasp of the situation.  And find yourself in similar shoes to my 85 year old grandmother.  Frankly, those are likely to be Dansko or Chuck Taylor's so all in all?  That's not terrible.  But I digress.

Nana who resides a whole whoppin' 60 minutes away claimed to be completely unfamiliar with stink bugs. 

FYE (For Your Edification*): The Stink Bug Edition--


  • They look like what would be the offspring if a armadillo and fly had a baby, which is to say, ugly as fuck.
  • As their moniker implies said ugly ass bugs are stinky if squished. 
  • Stink bugs, nay, flyadillos appear late summer/early fall and spend every moment attempting to gain entry into your home.  Until?  Christmas.  Depending on when it falls maybe Hanukkah.  Ok.  I don't know for sure but they're still around after the first frosts of the season, which is bullshit.
  • They are awful.  And possibly a sign of the apocalypse.
  • If you don't know them, congratulations!  They are an uber invasive scurge and due to their utter craftiness they are all but impossible to keep at bay.  The armored flyin' bug has no known natural enemies to slow its geographical and/or numerical expansion and as of yet there's no keep stink bugs outta my crib ap for that.

Stink bugs are such a nuisance that they're trying to conduct a Stink Bug Census.  Obviously I realize a Stink Bug Census sounds like sumthin' fantastical I have concocted for our entertainment.  It is not.  It.  Is.  Real.  (http://blogs.usda.gov/2013/09/13/stop-stink-bug-project/)

(* I typed FYI.  Then I wondered why it wasn't FYE in the first place?  Then I decided it was likely because FYE sounds super douchebaggery.  ...Which amused me, and was preeeeety much the nanosecond I decieded Imma try to work FYE into the mainstream vernacular by using it as often as possible.  hehehe.  [Please note:  This of course will never work.  Exhibit A: In 2011 I tried to bring LOLLy, twat and snatch to the masses   How'd that work out?  Have you used any of those in the past three years?  Yep.)

The arrival of (last) stink bug season conincided with Nana's visit.  The first day a recon stink bug appeared on the outside of the slider screen.  Then there were two.  Then there were 7.  And one made a breach entry.  Then there were 19 hangin' on the screen...  I mean, stink bug avoidance is a whole fuckin' thing, ya dig? 

All the while Nana contends that a few miles away they have zero stink bugs.  Which, of course, I find boggling, but Nana, obviously has no reason to lie to us about, ya know, a bug.

A few days later I returned Nana to her Nana nest.  As I opened my door and hopped out of my ride and I watched a stink bug who had hitched a ride in the door jamb fly away.   Needless to say this caused me to stop and double over in laughter.  Needless to say I'm kinda a horrible person.  Once I was able to construct a sentence I alerted Nana to what had just happened and stifled my giggles.  It sounded a lot like, 'oh, you don't have stink bugs?  ...Guess what?  You do now.  (cackle, cackle, cackle)'  Did I mention that I'm a horrible person...?

Yesterday a few hours after I had placed my daily Nana call my phone rang.  It was Nana. 

BBG:  Helloooooo
Nana:  Hello Miss. BBG (Nana, for reasons I do not know, calls me Miss BBG.)  Something just happened I thought you would want to know...
BBG:  (Silently waits, crossing fingers that, 'I just fell and broke my hip' isn't to follow)
Nana:  I was just in the kitchen, looked out the window and saw a stink bug hanging on the screen.
BBG:  (inexplicably and inappropriately exuberant laughter ensues)  You'rrrrrre welcome!

I feel both fulfilled, and fairly certain I'm goin' to hell.  Which now I'm guessing, is probably (?) filled with flyadillos.


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