~My Big Fat Pot Post

Marijuana.  Weed.  Pot.  Mary Jane.  Ganga.  Kush.  Chronic....

Often it is referred to as the (say it with me) 'gateway drug'.  Which is true.  ...In the sense that breast milk/formula is the gateway drink to juice and Kool-Aid which as we alllll know leads to the stronger stuff, like Mt. Dew, and ya know, eventually, moonshine and absinthe.

Obviously it is not a lie to say that boobjuice/formula is the first thing we try, before we progress to our clandestine meetings with the Kool Aid Man, et all.  But I think we can all agree that it's not ladymilk (or Similac) that is the catalyst for coming down with a later-in-life case of Otisthetowndunkitus.   Which means, if are capable of being honest about that, we have the ability, nee, the obligation to acknowledge that the long held and oft-repeated precept of a pot being gateway drug is sheer post hoc ergo propter hoc.

While I'd hazard a guess that most of your local meth and heroin heads would report that their first dance with recreational drugs was with Mary Jane, I would also be willing to wager that that's in large part because in our society most folks don't think of PBR, the Captain or a nice glass of chardonnay as a drug.  Not because alcohol is inherently safer, (it's not) or less mind/body altering, (it's not), or that it's less harmful to the fabric of our society (again, it's not) but because of how we frame booze in our lives. 

Fact:   
Over 70 million people have tried marijuana. Most marijuana users never use any other illegal drug. Indeed, for the vast majority of people, marijuana is the last drug they try, not a "gateway" to other drugs. If it were a gateway drug and if it were so addictive, we would have more than 3 million heroin and cocaine addicts in the U.S.

...Grandpa had one shot of whiskey every day.  ...Mom and Dad cracked a bottle of wine when they had friends over for dinner.  ...In most households and hamlets across the nation important occasions are marked with the popping of a champagne bottle.  ...I meet up with my friends for happy hour.  Whatever it looked like, for most people alcohol was always acceptable recreational drug use.  But no one ever uses those exact words.  (And yes, I know some people/families, religions, etc., simply do not drink.  That's cool.  You know me.  ...Whateves.  But it's not the "norm" of most Americans relationship and history with booze.) 

During our lifetime, drugs have always been framed in a very Nancy Regan-esque, 'Just Say No'/post Reefer Madness kinda way .  And have always meant, with a wink and a nod 'any drug that you don't drink'.  You know, the drugs baaaaad people do.  I think it satisfies the Us vs. Them superiority that most humans seem to really be invested in achieving, often at the hands of any ol' stupid, baseless or unreasonable criteria, as long as it allows them to have a ahem valid reason to look down their nose at others.  Personally, I don't think the inability to control personality flaws is a good enough reason to keep weed illegal/continue making criminals out of people who's crime is chillaxin'.  Maybe that's just me?   

 

Fact:   
32% of Americans polled responded that smoking pot is 'morally wrong'.

And there should be no mistake that the only real reason weed is illegal today in most parts of the nation (except these places - click) is in fact predicated on stupid, baseless and unreasonable thinking and actions. 

If you don't know the history leading up to marijuana going from equal footing with booze to a full-on hardcore schedule 1 drug (FYI:  Schedule 1 is meant to accurately denote; "the most dangerous drugs of all the drug schedules with potentially severe psychological or physical dependence."   For reference sake, OxyContin is a full step lower at Schedule II, with Schedule IV covering antidiarrheal and aspirin.) it's a compelling story chocked full 'o a lot of interesting subplots like a twisted, but perfectly legal selfish exploitation of capitalism, racism, and fanaticism that eschews ration and fact you know, like fanaticism and racism always does.  Frankly, this guy lays it out as well as any other I've seen/read/heard, and assuredly better than I ever could:

(You returned to my ramblings?  Gold star, you!)

Understanding that our negative perceptions of pot, today, especially when held by people who see alcohol as a drug 'better than', is really nothing more than the hangover of pre-Super Pac-esque marketing campaigns for the benefit of, depending on your viewpoint, the greedy and unethical, or wise and crafty business decisions by someone wealthy enough to sway public opinion and essentially buy his personal agenda, and isn't, in fact, based on it actually posing great danger to society or individual users is the first step in taking an educated stance on the legalization of marijuana.  (Ahem.  Look around.  This isn't a back in the day SOP.  The anti GMO labeling is a real-time example that it continues.  Just last year companies spent millions to sway California voters into voting against requiring GMO usage be noted on packaging.  Now what I know about GMO's, written out long hand could fit on the head of a sewing needle, but I do know of all the things my doctor ever told me to do more of fuck you, exercise, vegetables and fruits!, 'get more GMO's' has never been one of 'em.  Yet people voted to allow companies to sell them Frankenfruit without any notification.  Which is, again, nothin' more than business using it's coffers to sell a lie disingenuous position to people, that is at odds with their personal best interests in order to maximize it's corporate profits.  It's that whole not learning from history thing chompin' at our asses again.)

The next step is honestly considering the impact of weed.

On a individual user level, we all know pot is pretty dangerous.  How dangerous?  Well, the CDC attributes 80,000 deaths/yr from alcohol, yet when you Google "CDC statistics on marijuana deaths" (go ahead, I'll wait) no supporting data is available and no, some link 5 pages deep with the word cooter in the URL does not qualify as supporting data.  But you know, we allll know it's dangerous, so I did a lil' more digging and turned to the DEA, who report the following;  verbatim, bitches "Overdose effects:  No death from overdose of marijuana has been reported" [top of page 2 - click].  Hummmmm...  What about doctors?  Surely they must have reasons to advocate for the continued criminalization of pot?  Alas, the AMA (American Medical Association) position on pot is;  "That our AMA support reclassification of marijuana's status from a Schedule 1 controlled substance to a more appropriate (read: lower) schedule"   Pssst.  I don't know how to break it to ya, but they even endorse it's medical usage.  ...Marijuana isn't sounding very medically/physically dangerous. 

But, you know, it's still a danger to the fabric of our society.  Crime?  What about crime for fuck's sake?!?  ...Like impaired drivers!  Ahhhh, yes.  Impaired drivers.  Well, it turns out that of the 10,228  fatalities due to impaired drivers, (in '10) of that total other drugs (cocaine, marijuana, etc.) played a role only 18% of the time.  (Clarification:  I don't mean, 'only' as in, 18% is an insignificant number, I mean 'only' in the context of in comparison to the impact of alcohol exclusive crash numbers. [note:  18% is comprised of all other drugs, not solely reflective of marijuana]  Obviously, any/every/each life taken or affected by an impaired driver of any flavor is one too many.) 

As for other types of crime, I think it's a pretty universally known, and accepted fact that high people are more likely to be guilty of muggin' a bag 'o Funyuns than knockin' Granny to the ground to steal her purse.  Potheads aren't stealin' copper from every a/c unit on the block, or breakin' into houses.  Child, please.  Potheads are sittin' on the couch watching a movie, or out in the country hangin' with friends watchin' the bon fire, rootin' the local hockey team, baking bread, or doin' household chores, or any of the 99,999 (wait.  Did I just channel Herman Cain?  Great.  Now I want pizza. [...really?  Because you thought Big Brown Girl World was ruled by a girl known for strong nutritional decisions?]  Suck it.) other things potheads do. 

"Over the past four years I've asked police officers throughout the U.S. (and in Canada) two questions. When's the last time you had to fight someone under the influence of marijuana? (I'm talking marijuana only, not pot plus a six-pack or a fifth of tequila.) My colleagues pause, they reflect. Their eyes widen as they realize that in their five or fifteen or thirty years on the job they have never had to fight a marijuana user. I then ask: When's the last time you had to fight a drunk? They look at their watches." 

(Full Article)                 

~Norm Stamper, Ret. Chief of Police, Seattle, WA

...And by 'other thing potheads do' I mean, things like jobs.  Not, workin'-the-counter-of-the--last-video-store-in-America, jobs (not that there's anything wrong with an honest days work slingin' VHS.  Somebody's gotta help people find out guess who's talking and cater to porn lovers who don't have computers.)  In the ranks of potheads I know alone you'll find doctors, attorneys, professors, business owners, CPA's, C-level executives (IO's/EO's/FO's) at companies that if I dropped their name, you'd recognize it.  I ain't that girl.  Are you new here?  (If so, welcome.)  What I don't know is any potheads who live at mom's in the basement.  Of course, I'm not suggesting that there simply are noooo subterranean stoners, bleary eyed from from a long tour of Halo in three day old sweats.  I am sayin' that if that in 2013, if that's still your stereotype or perception of weed imbibers, you really are just woefully out of touch with, as the late great Marvin Gaye put it, what's goin' on (click if you're feelin' the need to sing along) hoss/toots.

"I've had a lot of senators come up to me privately and said 'absolutely we should [legalize marijuana], I mean I can't say that publicly, but you're absolutely right.'  The stigma of saying that publicly is going to to away, it's gone away in other states, it's going to go away here.  It's inevitable."   "...I had one Senator, I won't say who it was, but he was from a very, very rural republican place, this republican senator said to me, 'I would love to vote for your bill, it means I could smoke it on my porch instead of my living room."   

~Senator Daylin Leach (PA)

Potheads are some of the best people you already know, who you don't know smoke pot. 

When I look around at some of the potheads I know, not only are they successful by career standards, they they tend to be, at least what I consider successful human beings.  Kind and thoughtful with good heads on their shoulder sorts.  In my experience they're open minded and open hearted.  People who manage to deal well with the shit life throws them.  Which I can't with any general rule-y-ness say about people I know who's better living through chemistry approach relys on booze.  Some of those co-workers who always seem to be able to consistently resist bein' a dick?  High.  Some of those parents you look at and think, 'man, how do they keep from literally locking their kid in a cage?', (I don't know why, but that's a thing in Ohio...  Nope, I'm not kidding;  Exhibit A:, Example 2:, And 3's a charm:) well some of them are holding on to their sanity, and keeping a downright delightful demeanor by slippin' out to the pole barn after the kiddies are communing with the Sandman to share a bowl.  Some of the most involved, in the moment, conscientiously raising their children parents I know are half baked half the time.  Which again, isn't something generally said about a household where booze is consumed on a regular/frequent basis.  Alcohol is a major contributor in domestic violence.  Whereas, ganga is described as "reduces the likelihood of violence during intoxication." 

Your 4/20 celebrating friends, co-workers,

church memebers, etc. do NOT look like this:
 

The reality is your midnight tokin' friend looks more like

the PTA/PTO president, or local city council member. 

If you weren't so uptight about a lil' grass, they'd probably share.

 

This is what a pothead looks like:

Even in the face of facts, when confronted with the opportunity to update their thinking based on new information acquired, many will still out of apathy, laziness or stubbornness try to hold tight to a predictable laundry list of non-reasons to support the continued criminalization of marijuana.

The ...but if it's legal everyone will just be walkin' around high all the time it'll be anarchy!, argument.  Which is a valid argument.  If one is willing to throw real world examples proving the contrary out the window.  Like The Netherlands where pot is legal and all usage rates are lower than the U.S., by all ages, and in all categories.  It's an assertion that ignores that people who want to be high are already gettin' high.  And that criminalization only serves to continue creating criminals out of people who no more of a criminal element than you were at happy hour last night, but that what it doesn't serve to do is decrease it's usage, sale or growth.  In my opinion, keeping it illegal simply continues to fuel the criminal underpinnings of the  weed trade.  Which when compared to the (cough) dangers of pot, seems like a no-brainer of a decision; decriminalize the potheads, eliminate the necessity of pot dealers and the inherent criminal element profiting from black market prohibition.  Problem solved.    Learning from history, or no? Pop Quiz:    Who profited from alcohol prohibition?   Answer:  Booze producing, muling, violent mobsters.  A situation that is no different today with marijuana, except we've rebranded them to cartels.  When alcohol was re-legalized bootleggin' crims followed the money on to other endeavours.  

The ...but if it's legal I'm sure there'll be a new wave of addicts I have to somehow pay to fix their fuck up, argument.  Again, if that were the reality of the situation that would make a fine assertion.  However, per Psychology Today, ya know, the fixin' addictions people;  "The vast majority of those who use marijuana do so occasionally and exhibit no addictive symptoms-- no increased tolerance, no cravings, and no withdrawal. In other words, they can take it or leave it."   For people who make money from treating addictions, that seems like a pretty strong statement, no?  So, having to spring for mass marijuana related rehabs seems unlikely.  The ironic flip side to that argument is that by keeping marijuana illegal we pay a much higher (no pun intended) price to deal with the MC's (marijuana criminals).

"National statistics show 872,000 arrests last year related to marijuana, 775,000 of them for possession, not sale or manufacturing - sparking some critics to suggest that the resources of the criminal justice system, including the crowded state prisons and courts, might be better used elsewhere," per the San Francisco Chronicle in 2009. 

Newsflash:  We're already paying for pot.  We pay for it in the 775,000 who, assuming they have no other scrapes with the law, which is indeed the most likely scenario, have to put on every application that they are a crim.  Putting otherwise decent Americans behind the 8 ball, economically speaking.  Personally, I find it out of whack with the ramifications someone who might get popped for public intox, or DWI/DUI, for that matter would experience.  Sure they would have to note it too, but when explained, many employers/landlords, etc., would to a greater degree accept that type of criminal record as being not necessarily a reason to reject them, whereas due to our collective wrong impressions of marijuana would write them off as problem riddled druggies.

Your checkbook & cannabis crimes:

• Inmates incarcerated on marijuana-related charges cost U.S. prisons $1 billion annually, according to a 2007 study, AlterNet reports.
• Including lost tax revenues, a 2007 study found that enforcing the marijuana prohibition costs tax payers $41.8 billion annually, Forbes reports.   

Again, I would never have the audacity to contend that there aren't MC's serving time who have done other truly criminal things, but when we're lockin' up people for possession only?  ...Listen, if they're getting pinched for other criminal acts?  They are criminals who get high.  But users imagine being worried about getting arrested for havin' a few beers...not havin' a few beers and startin' a fight, or mowing a family of 4 down whilst drivin', no simply crackin' a open and enjoyin' a beer, not sellers, becoming a drain on us as taxpayers bearing the cost due to laws out of step with the nature of the 'crime', seems wrong to me, in the, we know better, let's do better kinda way.   And to make the reality of our current cultural management of pot all the more egregious, in my opinion, is what Eric Schlosser points out;    "Under the laws of fifteen states, you can get a life sentence for a nonviolent marijuana offense. And the average sentence for a convicted murder in this country is about six years. In the state of California, the average prison sentence for a convicted killer is about 3.3 years. So that enormous discrepancy between how violent crimes tend to be treated and how some nonviolent drug crimes are treated points to a very irrational impulse in this country to punish when it comes to marijuana."  (click - for full interview transcript)

 ...I mean, fuckin' really?  Reeeeally?  MC's serving more time than murders?  I'm not sure what it takes in your DNA profile to be the kind of person who looks at that and thinks, 'yeeeeah, that sounds right.  Let's keep things exxxactly as they are.  @thesystemisworkin'.com.   

 The list of 'yeah but' arguments is too long to fully cover here today, but there's practically no 'yeah but'/preconceived notion that can't, if not be fully refuted, at a minimum have a huge shadow of doubt cast on it with a quick down and dirty search of the interwebs.  I encourage everyone to start getting knowledgeable about the subject.  It's a decision many of us will be making in the near future.  It seems like it's time to do so without the blurry, smudged spectacles of a Reefer Madness era, and start looking at it through Google glasses.

Reference Sources/Other interesting pot info:

• About.com
• PBS.com
• 10 Facts About Marijuana (Drug Policy.com)
• Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (LEAP)
• Saferchoice.com
• Pew Research
• And lastly, this guy.  Actually, that's Captain,as in (ret.) Captain Peter Christ who I almost missed because I judged a book by it's cover.  Small market interview, poor production values, etc., but I'm  glad I hung in there.  15 minutes of kick ass, real-world (law enforcement) experience and wisdom breakin' it the fuck down.  It's a BBG Don't Miss. 

Fact:   

Estimates suggest that it would take 800 joints to overdose.  I now feel obligated to mention to everyone who just muttered, "challenge accepted", that I do not think it's a good idea to do anything 800 times.  Hate to harsh your buzz.

(BBG Legal Disclaimer: As always, and with all aspects of the Big Brown Girl World, do not substitute my opinions for your good judgement. It is not my contention that marijuana is good/safe. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. I am not recommending that anyone take it up, actually I take that back. I would recommend to a few people I've met that they would truly benefit from lightin' up a big ol' fatty, but I digress. I am simply pointing out that weed is no more dangerous than other legal and socially acceptable drugs, like our ol' friend booze. To hold it, and its enjoy-ers to a different more damning standard is out of tradition and not merit, just strikes me as arbitrary. When we can, we should be better than arbitrary when it comes to making otherwise respectable, law-abiding and productive citizens into criminals, no?)

As always, feel free to chime in with your $0.02.

~My Big Fat Pot Post

~Support Our Troops & Screw The Five-O: It's The American Way (...But It Shouldn't Be)

I find myself a bit perplexed when people tell me how much they love, respect and support our military.

They're always so impressed by these men and women who take an oath to put their lives on the line in order to protect us and to serve us, often with split seconds decisions with life and death consequences.
 

'Hero' is a word quickly tossed about when military members are being discussed. Parades and community gatherings are organized when they leave/return home (for) from duty to show our respect for their commitment to our safety and the service they provide to help ensure our way of life. They are so beloved that literally millions of Americans sport one of these on their car, t-shirt or hanging in front of their house:

I find it so perplexing because so frequently those exact same folks have no compunction about spoutin' off about what assholes the police are.

You know the Po-po, aka: those cats and chicks who took an oath to put their lives on the line in order to protect us and serve our communities, often with split seconds decisions with life and death consequences. (tap, tap, tap)...sumthin' seems familiar Those people who as soon as one of them does something heroic that gets picked up by the news know that his/her label of hero will come with an asterisk to a substantial percentage of the population.

As in; hero* -- '...yeah, but s/he was only doing their job.'

Or, another popular variation of rationalizing belittling LEO's; hero* as in -- '...yeah, but listen to this one time I had a bad interaction with a police officer, and because I can't admit that I was in the wrong, or reacted poorly to the situation and made things worse for myself, so I'm pretty sure they're all dicks, and if you think otherwise, you're a dick. So I won't give anyone with a badge any amount of respect, I will always think the worst about them, and I will never admit that what s/he did was actually heroic.'

If you're not that guy, you know that guy. We all do. So ubiquitous is the Madonna/Whore-esque Military Hero's/Coppers Zero's complex in our society that I can't believe that it's taken until now for someone to name it. 'Military Hero's/Coppers Zero's; is the legal intellectual property of BBG, BBGWorld, BBG HQ, et al and requires prior BBG approval for rebroadcast. It's something I never understand. As I'm not a moron, of course I comprehend that, military folks are off enforcing rules, generally, outside of our borders, so the average American doesn't come in contact with them when military personnel is telling them they can't do something, or are gettin' ready to get lock 'em up for doin' wrong as part of their mission. On the other hand, it doesn't take a MENSA member to extrapolate that your city five-O is performing some of the exact same missions on a local level. Curiously, what we respect and adore our military professionals for, we denigrate and ridicule our LEO's over. That's the part that is such a conundrum for me.

I'm not real sure what it says about someone who would ostensibly believe that it's a noble calling to serve ones country by enforcing order, upholding our way of life and providing for our security on a global level (and be available domestically when hinkey shit goes down), but not so when ones calling brings them to a badge and service their neighbors on a local level?

I find that kind of thinking extra fucked up weird given the fact that there's a good enough chance that the Police Officer you just referred to as a 'lazy pig' is fairly likely to be a vet/active MOS. Not exactly a little known phenomena. (But if this comes as a surprise to you, you should know that, for instance in '11 the Topeka PD reported that about 60% of their incoming academy class had military experience) So now it's time to admit that subscribing to the Military Hero's/Coppers Zero's mindset 1) is non-sensicle and disjointed thinking at best, and that practicing it B) means that you refuse to acknowledge not only the similarities of their professions and duties, but that you're purrrrfectly comfortable being the person who would degrade a person while in one uniform (lets say, LEO garb), but you would pay for their beer in another (fatigues). Which by pretty much anyones measure smacks of douchebaggery.

After this past week, seeing in large part, local law enforcement (in conjunction with State-ies & Feds) handlin' their 'bidness like a boss they did, I don't know how anyone could look at their local forces with any less respect than they would afford the American Badasses who work at the local military base. But they will. And I hope you will call their asses out.

I have written a few things in honor of the boys (& girls) who's blood runs blue. (In fact, I have a BBG favorite 5 and  'May St Michael Watch Over 'Em'  [click link] is definitely one of them.) Usually, such musings coincide with National Police Week (the week of May 15th) but after seeing sights like this:

Now seem like a perfect time to point out that while there's no doubt Boston, Newton, Watertown, etc., PD's are nothing short of professional law enforcement badasses who deserve, and should be heralded for their heroics and hide-y and seek-y victory over a dangerous criminal who presented them with unusual and devastating circumstances... And I'd bet they'd be some of the first people to say That there's not a department dotted across this country that hasn't trained and prepared itself for worst case scenario situations. God forbid one should ever pop up in your town, but if it does, there is no question that your local law enforcement professionals will put in the same efforts to ensure your safety. Just because they haven't had to yet is a sorry ass excuse for treating them like shit in the meantime, wouldn't you agree? If it almost seems like you own them something, it's because you do...

I'm not asking that you greet each day with a nod to Mr. Sunshine and a round of applause for the police officer in the coffee line with ya. But maybe ya decide that today is the day you stop badmouthing them? Maybe today you start to show people with a badge a lil' respect, or a kindness like a full five fingered wave? Maybe today you start to act like you understand that the only difference between this guy:



  

and this guy:

  

 

Is 5 minutes.

 

 

...And that the difference between this guy:

 

 

And any of these guys

 

 

 is often nothing more than who's signing their paycheck.

 

 

Of course the military men and women who serve our nation deserve our gratitude. But so do the men and women who serve our neighborhoods.

 

Closing Note:    Since Friday night when MIT Officer Sean Collier was murdered on duty two more law enforcement officers have lost their lives in service to their communities, bringing this year's sad total (to date) to 38.  (32 members of the military have been KIA during the same time frame.)  In 2012, another 120 law enforcement officers died in the line.

"There are three kinds of people in the world. There are wolves and there are sheep.

And then there are those who protect the

sheep from the wolves."

                                                                                              --Christopher Shields



For the complete works of BBG 'Po-Po Love' posts, click here.
 

~Support Our Troops & Screw The Five-O: It's The American Way (...But It Shouldn't Be)

~5 Reasons To Feel Better About This Week

It's been one of those weeks that tests our ability to stiff upper lip it.  Much of the news has been full of pain and suffering.   As a staunch, ya gotta have some yin with your yang-er, I feel like the best way to counteract the misery that we've all been focusing on is to highlight some of the amazing, beautiful and just plain kickass things this week brought.

If you've seen this photo you may have, like me, assumed that they were on site as part of a security detail.  Wrong.  These American Badasses (aka:  BBG code name for U.S. military members) were actually completing the Boston Marathon.  Not only were they in the homestretch of a 26.2 mile run, they were also haulin' 40 lb. rucks while they did it as part of Tough Ruck in honor of their fallen brethren.  Imagine doing any of that.  Let alone all of that.  Hardcore?  Hoorah.  I count it as a blessing that I breathe the same air as these cats.

 

 

And then there's this guy.  I have great admiration for people who are able to use their smarts to overcome assholes.  Me?  I tend to go for brute strength and brawn over brains and finesse, I want to pick up a brick to deal with an asshole.  I wanna shank 'em.  I'm not sayin' I'm proud that that's my initial reaction to most things, I'm just sayin' it's the truth.  I want to watch them go crawling to their mama with tears running down their cheeks.  This time.  Next time.  Every time.  Luckily, there are better people than me in the world, and Jaimie Muehlhausen certainly qualifies as one of them with this one thoughtful action from the comfort of his computer: 

(One person can't accomplish anything meaningful?  Bullshit.)

 

 

When public transportation was shut down in the hours after the bombing, knowing that the Boston Marathon brings 25,000+ runners, many from out of town/state/country, unfamiliar with navigating the area, THOUSANDS of ordinary people hit the interweb to offer complete strangers meals, rides and lodging.  Not a couple of good people doing a good thing.  Thousands. 

 

 

 

Here you can see some kind and generous people from all over the nation who sent pizzas to Boston area hospitals and to first responders.  

 

Even the Yankees, the BoSox nemesis paid tribute with a Sweet Caroline-y shoutout during a game against the Dbacks. 

 

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the horror of weeks like this.  To get tainted by the tragedy.  To let bad things hijack your perception of our world.  And the people in it.  I was reminded of this when my Nana said, "it makes you afraid to go anywhere, do anything."   I heard my internal voice say, '...No, ^^ these ^^ people are out there, every place and all the time'.  It made me remember:  

 

 

I hope you will too.

~5 Reasons To Feel Better About This Week

~Good Deeds (Bad Positions)

Generally, I believe all good deeds should be done as absofuckinglootly quietly as possible. 

(I so firmly like to operate on under this mantra that this is gonna be a wee surprise for an awful lot of people.)

Ok.  This is gonna sound religious-y.  For anyone new stumbling on this post, please note:   I don't give a wiggly rats ass about your religious beliefs.  Or non-beliefs.  And I sure as shit don't expect you to give a crap about mine.  What I am about to share is not a call for your conversion, in fact in reality it only serves to underscore how my faith plays a very active role in this particular aspect of my fuckedup'dness.

You see, my favorite mass of the year is Ash Wednesday.  One of the readings is about how you're supposed to do your 'good works' on the down low.  So much so that your left hand shouldn't know what your right hand is doin'.  Basically the passage says if you're making a big show and/or tell in order to let others know how fucking awesome you are, you're a dick.  Obviously, I'm paraphrasing.    

‘Be careful not to parade your good deeds before men to attract their notice; by doing this you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give alms, do not have it trumpeted before you; this is what the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win men’s admiration. I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you give alms, your left hand must not know what your right is doing; your almsgiving must be secret, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.  ‘And when you pray, do not imitate the hypocrites: they love to say their prayers standing up in the synagogues and at the street corners for people to see them; I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you pray, go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.  ‘When you fast do not put on a gloomy look as the hypocrites do: they pull long faces to let men know they are fasting. I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that no one will know you are fasting except your Father who sees all that is done in secret; and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.’

I don't know why, or when I decided to take those words to heart.  Or when they started putting me in a position of feeling like nothing other than hiding my good deeds seems appropriate, ever.  But they've become the prism through which I use to guide almost all of my decisions and actions (excluding, of course, alcohol based decisions and actions, which while not historically 'nice', or 'do good-ery', are usually specfuckingtacular, but I digress.);  Do good.  Be as sneaky deaky as possible about it.  Don't be a braggart.  Don't be a hypocrite.  Don't be a bellyache-er (aka: complainer).    

Because this is how I try to live my life, (Am I always perfect?  Oh, hell no.  But at least I'm tryin'.  I doubt it will take you very long to look around to find someone you know who ain't even doin' that much, so suck it.)  my plans for this project were until now mostly unknown.  I didn't mention on Facebook or weave into conversation with everyone I've come in contact with, but a handful of family and friends knew of my plan.  I suspect because I generally don't talk about my good works that people don't always initially, or surface-ly (yes, I am making up words) perceive me as someone who might be wandering my part of the world doin' wee deeds of good.  This perception may also be based on my propensity for turning the phrases; "suck it", "fuck (you/that/it/off)" and "no".  Ya know, hallmarks of bad people.

While I recognize that misrepresenting oneself is wrong, and feel like I should feel bad about purposefully misleading people about this side of me.  But I don't.  Even though I realize how at odds it is with my otherwise, 'keepin' it realsies/be who you are-ness' nature, I can't seem to resist doing it.  Clearly, I have "issues", which I believe in some circles are known as, 'Catholic guilt'. 

Honestly?  If I could have achieved this and moved along without it being noticed I wouldn't be sayin' squat about it now.  As it's quite obvious, and bound to be noticed--  and that now I find myself putting more effort into actively avoiding lying or telling the truth puttin' it 'out there'  (...how much so?  Well, it's been 4 days and I haven't posted a picture... I just told my Nana today-- which brings the total to 3 people who know that this has happened...  And last night I actually found myself mopping the kitchen floor and running the sweeper in an effort to delay finishing this post-- and I'm too lazy to be doin' unnecessary chores(!)...) than a well adjusted person should, I'm taking it as a sign that it's time to act like a 'normal', grown ass girl and spill the beans before anyone starts drawing their own conclusions to the change at hand.  Ya know, 'self-made truths' (I can't be the only one who makes those up when I don't have the real details, can I?) like:

1)   People thinking that I think that I've been rockin' a good look all of these months.  (I have not.  I have been well aware that long, unmanageable, locks have been doing me no fuckin' favors, looks wise.) 
 
B)   People thinking that I've cried uncle in my personal quest to out Crystal Gayle, Crystal Gayle. 

III)   People thinking that my application to a certain Mormon sect was rejected and I've been forced to chop my hair and burn up my homemade, full-length, pastel prairie dress.

The real truth is that a few years ago, due to a medical condition and its treatment, someone I love ended up wearing a wig for a while.  It made days when she was already felt like shit a bit more bearable.  It's when I decided that if I could do literally nothing notice how I didn't sign up to run a marathon and be able to help give a girl who's fighting for her life or enduring a hair losing medical issue, a modicum of normality, for lack of a better word, that I couldn't not do it.  I chose to Locks of Love it (but there are other organizations like Pantene Beautiful Lengths).  10".  It's the longest my hair has ever been.  It is the longest my hair will ever be.  Suffice it to say, I am not a long hair girl.  But I am happy to be a girl who once grew some for someone else.

Before/After:

 

(As she prepared to make the first cut my hairdresser checked

to see if I was ok and quite gingerly asked if I was ready. 

Um, yeah.  "Whack away.  I'm not attached to it.  It's attached to me.)

 

 

So there it is.   Who, what, when, why & how.  Whew.  Now I don't have to side step/fib/dodge the subject any more to avoid slipping the secret that I'm not entirely a terrible person.  (I do probably need to explore why I'm more comfortable having people think I'm not nice than thinking I am.  Baby steps start here today, I guess.)   And you don't have to think I'm engaged in a beef with Crystal Gayle.

Moving on.



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(**For the Official Record: I'm not making a judgement on how chicks who face such bald-y circumstances should handle it [to wig or not to wig]. I'm a staunch your head, your choice-er. I will say this. When I see a bald chick, even when I don't know what medical condition she's dealing with, I think, 'now this bitch is a warrior' [in the most reverent and respectful use of the word, 'bitch'] and just the sight of her makes me proud to be a skirt too. I suppose I don't think the same thing of a girl in a wig, mainly because 99.44% of the time I'm not gonna notice she's sportin' a wig.)   

~Good Deeds (Bad Positions)

~Good Friday?

It's well after midnight on Good Friday.  Instead of sawing logs and communing with the Sandman I find myself Googling to try to discover why we call it 'Good' Friday.

I mean honestly, whether you're a believer or not, if we're going by the story of the Bible, it really seems more like, Super Shitty Friday.  

Because I usually assume others think the same things but have good enough judgement and self control to resist saying it out loud and so you don't have to be the jackass later today pondering in front of someone who will for sure think you're a dumbass for askin' as public service here is what seems to be a prevailing surmising; 

"because Christ, by His Death, "showed His great love for man, and purchased for him every blessing." Good, in this sense, means "holy," [Ref. Source: click] 

Because even a dumbass knows when I've spent too damn much time Googling--  Fine.  I'd accept that.  I certainly don't know any different, or have a better explanation.  But that still doesn't answer the other end of the until-now-unsaid-question, which is;  Ok.  Then why stop at good? Why not Great Friday?  Or per the article (above)-- why not Holiest of Holy Friday?   Good just seems so wishy-washy. So non-committal. 

In other the logistics of Good Friday-ing perplex me news--  What is the protocol for saying Happy?  Other than Memorial Day, there aren't really any other holidays where adding a happy isn't automatically appropriate.  Granted, most other holidays have far less crucify-y central point, but, really, what is the alternative? ..."With the appropriate reverence, given circumstances, I'm wishing you a healthy, trauma free, productive, successful day"?  Even for someone with the propensity to be as long winded as I am that seems awkward, no?

So that I can salvage any hope of getting a decent nights sleep, I've decided to let that one go for now.  If you have any suggestions for alternate Good Friday greetings, please leave a comment.

In the meantime--

(aka: Happy Easter!)

~Good Friday?