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Monday, March 15, 2010

~Time for Tartan!


B'gosh and b'gorah, the best day of the year is upon us!

I have been having troubles getting into the spirit this year. Really, until the other day when my mom asked me what my plans were and issued the statement "go out". Only then did it really dawn on me. I mean, when your Mom is telling you to go get your tipsy on, you need it. Bad.

Right about then the wheels started turning and I started to think about if I really could have this wonderful day.

St. Patrick's Day is my absofuckinglootly favorite day of the year. Yes. Even better than my birthday, which is second.

See, St. Pat's has all of the glory of a birthday celebration, without the pesky getting older biz, plus has the added bonus of encountering others who are equally as happy with their day. On your bday, it's just your bday (unless your mother is the Octomom) and people with you might be ready to have a good time because it's your day. But it's not their day. St. Pat's it's like it's your bday AND you share it with everyone else out with a cocktail in their hand.

I don't know why, maybe it's the booze? But people are the friendliest on St. Pat's. Sure, you might think, oh, Christmas is the friendliest time, with all of it's glad tidings and joy, but you'd be wrong. People are too stressed out by shopping, obligations and expectations to be bothered with being friendly at Christmas. St. Pat's brings no strangers. Everyone is a potential stranger/friend for the day.

My love of St. Patrick's Day started by attending a high school who's mascot is the Irish. My impressionable years were clothed in leprechaun and clover festooned t's, hoodies and jackets. I-R-I-S-H cheers rang in my ears and kilts were worn daily. It's no wonder even though I have no Irish lineage, although I have had a lil' Irish in me, I have such a love of the day.

I am a true sucker for a man in a kilt. I say there's not a lot that says secure in his manhood like a dude in a skirt. Hot. Plus a guy in a skirt always has a good sense of humor. And usually a flask. FYI.

I love the bagpipes. Have considered buying a starter kit to learn for myself. But then decided being a BigBrownGirl with roller skates, a cotton candy machine and a d oh double g named Uncle John, I sometimes have to harness my kooky. There's some times a fine line between ecentric and full on bat shit crazy, ya know? The thought of a BigBrownGirl in a kilt, pipe-ing it up is too ridiculous for me to actually act on.

But it does explain why you'll find me jumpin' 'round like a crazy Celt on crack (which for starters we all know is wack, McWack?) when House of Pain which I've allllllllways requested is played. Wrong? Maybe. But I can't help it. There are a few "must's" to properly, in my opinion at least, celebrate St. Pat's...

Without further adieu, my list of St. Patrick's Day MUST's:
-Shot of Jameson's.
-Shamrock stickers to keep track or mark the people you've already spoken to
-Flirting
-NO green beer. Green beer is for suckas, sorority girls, amatures and pussies
-Location, location, location. Mine is the same place I've spent St. Patty's since the mid-90's. The owner bought radio advertising from me to get the word out on his festivities and I've been loyally going back each year since. Make a wise choice. A place where there are Irish step dancers is usually a good sign
-Hearing House of Pain, Jump Around, The Unicorn song and Van Morrison's Brown Eye'd Girl
-If you think the pipe & drum guys are easily plyable, ask to beat the drum- you won't be sorry
-Talking and laughing with any stranger who strikes your fancy
-Touching any bald head that you desire
-Telling people to "Pouge Mahone" (say: pug mahone), whilst we're having craic (say: crack) and sayin' Slainte (say: sssl auncha). Translation: Telling people to kiss my ass while havin' fun and saying cheers
-Visiting with the po-po
-My two St. Pat's buttons that I wear each and every year
-For smokers, Nat Sherman Fantasia cigs

Optional:
-Tiaria
-Sash
-Bubbles

I'd say with the optional, a la Coco Chanel, pick one take the rest off. One is colorful. All three is kooky.

Just thinking about the gooooooood times perks me up a bit. Now I guess I need to formulate a plan with a person or two to put a lil' sumthin' in play for the most special of days.


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