Tuesday, May 24, 2011

~Two Girls Helping 1 Guy At A Time

...Wait.  That title sounds like a threesome. 



Now that we have that cleared up...

Sooooooo, I'm starting to dip my tootsies into the dating pool.  Afuckingain.  I feel like it would be all to easy to not.  But I know that's not in the best interest of BBG happiness.  I tell ya though, the older I get, the more stuff that happens, the more I kinda understand how full-time bitter people come to be.   When I was younger, I used to wonder how some grownups were so unhappy or angry with, seemingly everything.  Now that I'm o-l-d I understand, I know it takes effort, determination and strength to get back up when life hands you a beat down.   It's infinitely easier to stay down on the mat, mired in bitterness and sad-sackdom, than to stagger back up to your feet and take another swing, ya know?  Here's the thing about the mat, sure it's safer there, but the belt can't be won from down there.  Choices.  We all have 'em.  And I'm choosing to stand up and take another shot at the title.

I'm "out there again".  It is what it is. 

And what it is, is odd

(Disclaimer:  Generally, I dig odd.  I think odd is wicked awesome.)

In addition to randomly bumping into guys, setups, etc.  Or as Somp phrases it in her cool kid Cali way , "meeting organically",  I am checking out the online guy options.  I was chattin' with Somp, who is also perusing the online guy meeting options, the other day when the convo turned to guys and the (in our estimation) crazy ass stuff we noticed or have experienced, particularly online.  (Hence, the 2 girls part.  See.  I told ya' no kinky sex.)

Maybe because we both have a background in advertising/marketing, we might notice things slightly differently than the average girlie.  We realize the vital importance of 'positioning', and how it can be a deal maker, or breaker.  But at the end of the day, while we might be a tad more critical attuned to things (like marketing yourself), we are still just people.  People who just like everybody else forms a judgement, and bases decisions on cursory info available to us.   

I know, I know, ya shouldn't judge a book by it's cover and all the rest of that happy horseshit...  But when all you have to go on is the book cover, what else can we make our assessment on?

As a aid to all guys we've selected a few of the most common don't's, in our opinion.  As advertising taught us many, many years ago, you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.  (Thank you Head and Shoulders ad team!) 

Might as well start with the first first impression. 

This really seems to be a pitfall for the penis people. Before you post a picture. We beg of you, THINK.

Take a moment to think about to someone who knows squat about you, what that picture tells them you are. (Of course, we don't want you to post some pic that is what you looked like one day in your life, if that's not the authentic you. Be who you are. But be cognizant that the little thumbnail pic we see is literally all we know about you, make sure you're making your best case for why we would want to find out any more.)

'Cause here's what we think when we see this stuff: show me how to flip a picture...
(mentally finishing your headline)

Do you reeeeeally want to introduce yourself to us by saying ya don't know how to use that lil' rotate button? That's too advanced for ya? Or you're just sooooo not detail oriented that you couldn't bother with the 1.3 seconds it would have taken to have flipped that around? It makes us think dumb or lazy. Neither of which tend to be on many skirts wish lists, ya know? If you're making me throw out my neck to even see if ya might be appealing, now, how thoughtful will you be of us in 3 weeks when best foot forward behavior is weaning?

Don't plant that seed in our minds. Make us seeing you easy. Don't use a fuzzy photo that we can't reeeeeally see ya. Make sure at least one of your pics is a clear face pic. ...And don't make us break our necks to do it.

...What? Maybe with the sunglasses nobody'll recognize you?
Somebody like, let's say YOUR WIFE?!?...

This also makes me think something else, oh, what was it? Mmmmm? Oh, yeah, ASSSSSSHOLE I guess there are girls who don't care about helping you commit adultery. Good on ya for being upfront in your infidelity, I guess. (P.S. You're parents must be proud.)

...Get to know you?
What?  So I can judge whether we could hang or not?...

What kinda crazy ass statement is that? You may not be doing yourself any service if your headline brings to our mind words like incongruent, ironic (in the not good way) and kinda kooky. Or if our mind starts to wander and considers if Mr. T did have a lovechild? (Although, that's just a personal impression. I'm confident that many girls totally go for the starter kit vibe.)

...And kinda creepy...
(mentally Paul Harvey-ing the rest of the headline)

Really, unless you're looking for former illusion assistants, this might not be the very best "hello" choice of pics. Let you're freak flag fly and all, but know that this cuts out a huge number of girls to consider you as date potential. This is akin to postin' a pic with your Star Trek/Wars costume attending a "con" of some sort. Sure, we know you guys like that stuff and junk, and that's cool, whateves, but it's not exactly the way to reel people with boobs in, ya know? A showman like this should know how to play to his audience better.

...Bitter much?...
(Because I am who I yam, I also think LAW BREAKER!
You're not supposed to wear buds whilst driving.
It's dangerous, dumbass.)

That's riiiiiight, nuthin' brings the girlies in like offending them!  The headline, and other variations of the whine-y same theme, "are there any good honest women left?", "nice guys finish last", which no matter what words are selected or what order they're lined up, all just scream; negative(!), childish(!), bitter(!), hot mess(!), again, none of which are in any girl's pro collum. Listen, we all have our negative, bitter moments. ...Maybe that's just not the moment to write your profile/email/headline. Honestly, this headline also makes girls wonder what kinda craptastic vibe he must be throwing out there to seemingly, illicit such negative responses from the girls he has "complimented"? (raises eyebrow)

..When I was seventeeeeeeeen, it was a verrrrrry good year...

If you are actually closer to being a senior citizen than being a teen, ya probably shouldn't use your senior picture.  First of all ya know who has a good senior picture?  That's right, nodamnbody.  Which should be enough of a reason to chose another fuckin' picture.  But if it's not, consider why we'd even give a shit about what you looked like 20+ years ago?  Exactly how's that helpin' us now?  Do you posses time travel technology that would allow us to go hurl back in time so that we could be on the arm of your 18 year old self?  If the answer is no, please use current photos. 

...Who's also a skilled barber for me and my tragic pal...

What can we possibly add to this cautionary photo tale?  Uh, other than don't, and nexxxxt!!

Remember the camera adds 10lbs.  And a mobile home.  BTW, something girls in a tornado zone rarely find appealing.  Again, we're girls.  We notice everything you're telling us, whether verbally or visually.  Consider not only what you look like in your selected photo, but what assumptions we'll make from background details.

That's it for today's class.  Next time we'll delve into some other prevalent pitfalls.  For now study up, there will be a quiz. 

Class dismissed.



Terri said...

This is the VERY REASON that Mrs. M will remain SINGLE if Vic ever meets his untimely demise...

Your online dating advice is the TITS and triple kudos to you for gettin on back of the bull!

And just an FYI.. my guess is circa 1981 on "senior pic guy"- which would make him approx 47-48, and if even remotely dateable, a current pic would have been posted.

Frightening... truly frightening...

You are truly the best!

Mrs. M

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! Laughing hysterically over here!!! SO true!!!!! Debating if I want to try the on-line route for the 3rd time. Maybe I need some time with the resident marketing pro to help me set up my ad this time???!!! *wink*



Anonymous said...

As always there is more chaff than grain but, having met Mr. Wonderful online, I know that sometimes it's just a matter of continuing to look, refusing to settle and remaining focused on what really matters.

Stay spunky! Stay smart! Stay sharp!

BigBrownGirl said...

Yes, next time you're around some good girl cool chick and you think, "I wonder why she's still single?", now you know. There are a lot of frogs and too few princes.

Kathy said...

God, you are right!!! Its like they go out of the way to be undateable. Men pay attention!

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