I am, as I'm sure you would imagine, one of those grownups who likes to dress up. This time of year makes me think about how much I loved my costumes as a kid. I loved them all. The store bought, hot ass sweaty, rigid mask with the rubber band pinchin' my skull and the homemade costumes. I was fortunate enough to have a crafty Mom & Nana who didn't believe in half assin' things.
As a grownup girl I've been the Great Pumpkin, a clown, a boxing nun* (based on a hand puppet I just had to own.)
I've been an angel. (Wow. A
(You can ever soooo slightly see the Great Pumpkin costume - Click Here/2nd pic)
But my favorite adult costume was two years ago. Inexplicably I had an overwhelming desire to be the big brown Bee Girl. Ya know:
Why? I. Do. Not. Know. But I did. It has now eclipsed all others as my favorite. Mainly, of course due to it's sheer ridiculousness-- It was an old school, random pop culture homage to a semi popular-ish band and their one (I'm too lazy to Google to discover if that's true or not, so kindly grab your grain of NaCl.) hit. And it was a crazy ass idea to think it was even a good fuckin' idea to be the Bee Girl, as both a fat ass and a grownup. But you know what stopped me? None of that. Nope.
Behold, for all of your mockery and ridicule, have the fuck at it:
Tonight I will be participating in the annual tradition of going to AnonD & AnonR's to help hand out candy. AnonD and I sit on the front porch to
Each year I inevitably see two things I don't want to see. 1) Slutty tweens. I expect to see an array of adult slutty Strawberry Shortcakes, naughty nurses and the like. I do NOT however expect to see whore'd up pre-pubescent girls inappropriately dressed. (Attn: Parents-- START FUCKIN' PARENTING!!) And B) Babies trick or treatin'. Listen, if Halloween candy actually poses a choking issue, that kid is too young to be trick or treatin'. I understand your 9 month old makes a cute pea pod, but you carrying it around the neighborhood taking candy from people? That you're gonna eat? What the fuck? You're a grown up. Get your own bag of candy. You'll have exactly the type of candy you like and I won't think you're an asshole. I get you wanna show
*The year of the boxing nun the party I attended also included a Jesus and a priest. Talk about an unholy trinity... First of all, our intern/Jesus came as Jesus because I had named him (as I am wont to do)...Jesus. I would pretty much only refer to that poor intern (who's real name I can't even begin to remember) as Jesus. Except for when we were in front of clients (or similarly real people), when I would call him Jesus in Spanish. (aka: Hey. Zeus.) I'm not a complete ass after all. Anyhoo, the priest, for some reason had an enormous fake cock. God, I wish for the life of me I could remember why the priest had a big ass fake johnson, but needless to say somewhere out there someone has a photo of a big brown boxing nun on her knees givin' fake holy head to a priest. With Jesus a step away watchin'.
...Well. Now that I've