The communal "they" say walking is good for you.
Maybe it is, who am I?? I'm not a doctor, so I can't, with any certitude say for sure.
I can tell you it's the precise opposite of my general feeling on the matter. Yesterday I spied a status update from Lupe Estrada about being "
See, I settled in on my feeling about walking years ago. I was traveling, my boss at the time was in tow. The whatthehellever we were in town for was over and our flight home was several hours away. It was mid afternoon and our only responsibility for the remainder of the day was to tell ourRobert DeNiro taxi driver to take us to the airport and to get our asses on a plane. ...Which conveniently rhymes with, let's drink. (Of all of the skills I have, flying a plane isn't one of 'em, so what's it matter? I've never been too tipsy to beat and climb over other passengers turn a handle and/or if need be use a slide.)
As my several-th blue drink hit my system, I started to remember how fucking loooooooong the walk had been from the gate we arrived at to the outside of the airport. I know that DTW (Detroit) isn't the largest airport in the world, it's not even the largest airport I've been in, but by some hinky confluence of details I'm confident only Stephen Hawking can decipher, it was in fact the longest walk evah.
There's an old adage about the magical properties of alcohol and the appearance of truth that I, for one would have to vouch for. After arriving to the airport and clearing security I struck up a conversation with an airport worker as I waited for my boss to finish with TSA. It went a lot like this:
(a semi tipsy BBG sees a uniformed man with a WWJD lanyard holding his worker bee ID, randomness ensues)
BBG: (pointing at his WWJD) ...I know what Jebus wouldn't do, he wouldn't make me walk my fat ass alllllllllll the way to my gate, this place is crrrrr. Azzy.
Miscellaneous Airport Workerman: (obviously conflicted between being offended that I'd slurrily taken Jebus' name in vain and the shock and awe of having a passenger not cussing him out) He wouldn't? (uncomfortable, yet intrigued nervous laughter)
BBG: (more smart ass shit was said, more giggles were shared)
By the time my boss hadtied his shoes joined the conversation a magic carpet ride cart had arrived to whisk us away to our gate.
As I wasgetting in wrapping up my random conversation with the airport worker bee, my boss was balking at the premise of riding to our gate, leaving me with no options other than turning my sales abilities on my boss. "...but this nice gentleman is already here to take us, it would be rude to waste his time. Get in." (throwing a ham-y wink at said nice gentleman/driver) As we zipped away I continued selling him on his decision to just do what I say and get on board with the BBG program du minute by launching into some mini diatribe about how 'walkin' is for suckers'. We hadn't traveled 20' before my boss was converted from a nice religious-y, family man into the ass guy riding on the back of a cart tossin' the gun finger at other travelers whizzing by saying, "walkin' is for suckers!!", as I waved at people as if I was indeed Elizabeth, Queen of England.
Ever since then I've held firm to the mantra, walking is for suckers.
Being a child of the 70's, The Jetsons apparently had a great impact on me. I just always assumed there'd be moving sidewalks for times that I didn't use other modes of transportation.
Maybe it is, who am I?? I'm not a doctor, so I can't, with any certitude say for sure.
I can tell you it's the precise opposite of my general feeling on the matter. Yesterday I spied a status update from Lupe Estrada about being "
See, I settled in on my feeling about walking years ago. I was traveling, my boss at the time was in tow. The whatthehellever we were in town for was over and our flight home was several hours away. It was mid afternoon and our only responsibility for the remainder of the day was to tell our
As my several-th blue drink hit my system, I started to remember how fucking loooooooong the walk had been from the gate we arrived at to the outside of the airport. I know that DTW (Detroit) isn't the largest airport in the world, it's not even the largest airport I've been in, but by some hinky confluence of details I'm confident only Stephen Hawking can decipher, it was in fact the longest walk evah.
There's an old adage about the magical properties of alcohol and the appearance of truth that I, for one would have to vouch for. After arriving to the airport and clearing security I struck up a conversation with an airport worker as I waited for my boss to finish with TSA. It went a lot like this:
(a semi tipsy BBG sees a uniformed man with a WWJD lanyard holding his worker bee ID, randomness ensues)
BBG: (pointing at his WWJD) ...I know what Jebus wouldn't do, he wouldn't make me walk my fat ass alllllllllll the way to my gate, this place is crrrrr. Azzy.
Miscellaneous Airport Workerman: (obviously conflicted between being offended that I'd slurrily taken Jebus' name in vain and the shock and awe of having a passenger not cussing him out) He wouldn't? (uncomfortable, yet intrigued nervous laughter)
BBG: (more smart ass shit was said, more giggles were shared)
By the time my boss had
(It's important to note that at no time did I expressly request a cart.)
As I was
Ever since then I've held firm to the mantra, walking is for suckers.
Being a child of the 70's, The Jetsons apparently had a great impact on me. I just always assumed there'd be moving sidewalks for times that I didn't use other modes of transportation.
(Re: 'Other modes'... It's 2012. Where's my muther fuckin' jet pack?)
To this day when I do come upon a moving sidewalk, again at an airport (the world needs more moving sidewalks more places!), I always take it. Even if I'm wearin' just the perfect heels, have a light load I'm haulin' and am chocked full o' energy (aka: Mountain Dew) and could walk forever (aka: no real reason to take the 14 foot stretch of moving sidewalk), I feel it's my duty to support Jetsonesque technology.
Now of course I can walk without grumbling. I love a long stroll through city streets or a rambling walk through nature, under the proper circumstances. When not silently reciting 'walking is for suckers', I subscribe to the other 70's based true-ism of putting one foot in front of the other...
As the late Buford H Pusser taught us, it should be tall and with a big stick.
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2 comments:
I had to come back to let you know I have already shared your mantra w/ someone. Walking IS for suckers!!!!!
Exxxxcellent! (tents hands a la C. Montgomery Burns)
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