Wednesday, August 26, 2015

~ The Importance of 'Being Who You Is' (aka: The John Daly Theory)

My friend (& mother of my godkidz) and her sister have a sayin';  "Be who you is".  Grammatically sketchy, yet supremely sage advice.   

Be who you is, is not to be confused with the more English teacher approved commonplace trope of 'be yourself'.  Be yourself almost comes with a wink intonating that said sentiment only applies to the good parts of yourself-ness.  While be who you is demands that you own your badness too.

The difference between the two is both as narrow and as wide as the chasm betwixt mother fuckin' cocksucker and cocksuckin' mother fucker.  Upon first inspection negligible, upon second enormous.

Between being yourself and being who you is, bein' who you is infinitely the better option. 

How do I know?

Answer:  The John Daly Theory

I have a theory.  Fine I have many of them.  (None of the conspiratorial variety)  This one I call the John Daly Theory (JDT).   JDT is applicable to all of our everyday lives, but numerous public scandals bear out its veracity in more splashy ways.  The scandal du jour is a perfect example--  coinkidinkily matching monogrammed Josh Duggar. 

The admitted child diddler and famous infamous evangelical Christian big ass family scion finds himself publicly exposed as bein' a pumpkin' eater (aka: a cheater-cheater), among apparently (ahem) other things after being caught up in the Ashley Madison hack/details dump.

He's the latest in the long ass list of people who would benefit from understanding the JDT.

Now I'm a golf watching enthusiast from way back.  (It's not important that you be a fan of the sticks to grasp the theory.  Trust me.  You already know enough to keep up.)  Contrary to popular belief My favorite golfer is NOT Tiger Woods* Peter Jacobsen.  And Jim Furyk.  And the aforementioned, John Daly.   Yes.  I have three favorite golfers.  I'm a girl.  It has it's privileges.  (Not many, but at least this.)  Suck it.     

* Oh?  A brown girl likes golf?  She must follow Tiger. 
...That's how the train of thought goes before I hear
something along the lines of, 'is Tiger your guy?' 
And that is what's called a microaggression.  
Seriously, y'all; STOP THAT SHIT.

If you're unfamiliar here's a wee primer on John Daly.  This is John Daly:
Circa: A long ass time ago.

These are things John Daly has said:

"My wife tried to stab me."
"I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein."

“I tried but every time I worked out I threw up, and I thought to myself that you can get drunk and throw up, so it's just not for me."

The two time major winner makes some badass golf pants

(...Now that everyone's up to speed on John Daly...) 

I discovered the JDT when Tiger Woods was in the midst of his skanky sex scandal several years ago.  As the list of floozy's lined up for a whirl at their fifteen minutes grew longer so did Tiger's fall from grace.  Prior to his proclivities bein' public fodder he'd been (to most) considered a consummate golden boy.   (Sidebar:  Once upon a time I knew someone on the periphery of Tiger's sphere, subsequently I never thought he was as squeaky clean cut as his image was being crafted.  To say I had specific knowledge of cheater would be a lie, but as the gilding fell the fuck off the lily story unfolded I didn't think it much of a surprise.  It seemed in line with the impression of him that I'd gathered via hearsay.) 

The backbone of the JDT is that when one cultivates an image of being X, people fuckin' expect ya to be, in fact, X.  Not to besmirch the esteemed Mr. Daly, but had the headlines instead screamed; 'Daly's Decadent Dalliances' the public reaction would have been less severe.  Why?  Well.  Even if you didn't have a clue that a John Daly existed until now, based on the 3 things you've just found out about him--  would doin' every Waffle House waitress on the eastern seaboard come as an astounding surprise?  Nope.  You'd shrug such a finding off with something along the lines of, yeah that seems right.  (Seriously, John Daly I mean no offense.  Sincerely.)  When the golden boy showed his ass it was mayhem because it was in such opposition to what he (Tiger) had portrayed himself to be.  John Daly who practically leads with the more sketchy aspects of his nature, effectively renders himself immune to misunderstandings, or disappointments of his character.  Simply put?  John Daly, due to his choice to live a life of bein' who he is would have to be pulled over while high on khat drivin' nakid with a whores body in his trunk before he'd experience the scope of public wrath that Tiger did over infidelity.  He's found the catbird seat y'all. 

Had Josh Duggar possessed the inner fortitude to be forthright with the world about who he is, as opposed to polishing up his image as an example of the modern day Christian soldier  standard bearer he wouldn't have to be apologizing for (in his words) being the "biggest hypocrite ever".  

JDT offers the perfect example of the benefits setting the expectation.  The importance of bein' who you is draws hefty dividends when one doesn't have to embark on an apology tour over livin' their authentic life.  It's a lesson most of us would be better for by embracing.   

cc:  America's favorite Puddin' Pop quaalude pushin' tv dad (Bill Cosby), Rachel Dolezal, Lance Armstrong...

A Guide To Being Who You Is:
  • Don't use bein' who you is as an excuse to be a dick.  Nobody likes a straight up jerk.  Nobody.
  • Do recognize the difference between who you'd like to be and who the fuck you are.
  • Act accordingly.  Don't lead people to believe you are significantly better than you are. 
  • You don't have to wear a sandwich board chronicling your top 10 shittiest traits but...
  • Ya do have to drop enough bread crumbs about the authentic you so that others aren't blindsided by the results of you being the authentic you.  

Related:  What Did You Expect? It Makes A Difference (New York Times) -- the science of setting expectations;  "The downside is that when our expectations are not met our negative feelings are much stronger"  ...A surprise to Josh Duggar.  Not a surprise to John Daly.  Or, now, you.  (Your welcome.)



Godkiz Mom said...

I...have read this three times (and 3 months late)...and here's who I is - "my wife tried to stab me" caught my attention. But "nicotine and caffeine equals protein"...BINGO! JD WILL be the official statue outside of "Mrs. Mackeys School of Bein Who You Is!" Love it!

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