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Showing posts with label Things That Aren't. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things That Aren't. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

~ Things That Aren't For $800 (Accidental Shootings)

When two vehicles collide it's called a crash.  It used to be called an accident.  Obviously, 'accident' denotes something unexpected or unavoidable.  ...Which is exactly why law enforcement is now classifying automotive crash-boom-bangs as accurately crashes.  Most collisions are avoidable by, ya know, paying fucking attention and following rules of the road.  Hence, not accidents.

The usage of the word accident is disingenuous in a scenario where, for instance, if a driver had kept assured clear distance a crash could have been avoided.  Equally as disingenuous is when 'accident' is used to describe tragic child involved shootings...

I'm sure there are accidental shootings.

I can't recall the last time I heard of one. 

But people attributing accidental to situations that Stevie Wonder coulda seen comin'?  Well, that happens alllllllll the damn time... 

HAYDEN, Idaho—A toddler shot and killed a Walmart shopper Tuesday morning in what deputies described as an "accident."

3 year old accidently shoots, kills mother the headline reads.  Fact:  Just because ya say something doesn't make it so.

 
 
Cameron, WV  - A 19-year old is dead and a 14-year old is hospitalized after an accidental shooting in Marshall County.
 
 
Frankfort, KY -  Officials say an accidental shooting on Christmas night has killed a 16-year-old in Frankfort.  And most recently...
 
Cleveland, OH - Cleveland baby dies in accidental shooting.
 

We've managed to be truthful about crashes.  Callin' shit what it is, not what we want it to be.  It's time to be as earnest about shootings.  I don't know what the new term should be?  Gun-ragedy?  I'm open to what it could be.  But it can't continue to be accident.  In none of these instances is 'accident' the appropriate phrasing.  Every one of 'em when you read the  details they show a situation that one can very easily anticipate an outcome that would/could end in a horrific manner.  I don't mean to sound like I'm victim shaming, but kids + unsecured guns = terribleness.  Yes, not always.  But clearly often enough.  (For the Official Record, I'm not anti-gun.  With parents as Police Officers I grew up in a household with guns, and I am a gun owner.  [...Which honestly I'm not sure why I have to declare that?  'Reason' should be reasonable whether or not one owns a gun, but I can only take care of so much 'bidness in one day...])   

What is an 'accidental' shooting?
The usage of accident sets the false expectation that these are fluke-y events which could not have been foreseen, let alone avoided, which is predicated on a lie.  Most gun-ragedies (but especially those involving children) are avoidable.  Checking to see if a firearm is unloaded instead of assuming it's unloaded is, by everyone's estimation, pretty fuckin' avoidable.  Two steps:  1) Remember like your life depended on it to check.  B) Actually check.  Not giving a toddler an opportunity to actually kill someone with curiosity?  Avoidable.  These are tremendous tragedies.  But tragedies created by poor decision making skills.  But not accidents.  I'm not sayin' a person (or loved one) ought to die from a poor decision.  If that were the criteria for which side of the grass I'm on I'd have been 6' under a looooooong ass time ago.  However, all decisions have ramifications and consequences, and while this is a super shitty one that I would wish on no one, it's an outcome of a purposeful action (to not secure your weapon). 

If I cut my finger in the kitchen I don't tell people I 'accidently' cut my finger.  I tell 'em I wasn't holding the food-y item right, or wasn't paying attention and dumbassidly cut my finger.      ~ BBG 

...Keeping things real only requires keepin' it real.

Today a local 4 year old shot a 3 year old in the neck.  Which we all know wasn't an accident.  Ya know, if we're keepin' it real.




Related Posts:
I'll Take Things That Aren't For $1000 (Outdoor Cats)



Coming Soonish Sometime, Other Things That Aren't: 
  • Reverse Racism


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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

~ I'll Take Things That Aren't For $1,000 (Outdoor Pets)

I have no patience for things that aren't being passed off as things that are.   Drives me bonkers.  Apparently this bothers others less.  And by 'less' I mean, not fuckin' at all.  

Today's Things That Aren't?




Outdoor Pets.

I'm sorry.  What are outdoor pets?  I don't care how many times you said or heard this, it is, in fact, not an actual thing.

Country caveat:  If you live in the country this is a thing.  Hi, barn cat.

Again, in the city?  Not.  An.  Actual.  Thing.  (Yes.  Geography sometimes matters in ruling out thing/non-thingness.) 

Take the Are You In The City Quiz?
  • If you had to run to your neighbors house is it such a distance that you would have an MI (heart attack) before you arrived? 
  • Is your only source of delivery pizza DiGiorno's?  
  • If you buy ice cream at the grocery has it turned into a cookie dough cosumee by the time you've arrived home?
(If you answered YES to 1-3 of these questions you do not live in the city.  [Enjoy your outdoor pets.]  If you answered NO to 1-3 of these questions you do not live in the country. [Try not to be a dickwad neighbor.])

Obviously, a pet is a thing.  As is the outdoors.  Both certifiable things.  Check.  But there is no (I-live-in-the-city) outdoor pet.  Nope.  Pets are animals that have people in charge of them.  A pet has someone with opposable thumbs who tends to their needs who they rely on for food, housing, health and shit picking upping.  (In the case of talking birds, a human to teach them to say ironic, ridiculous and/or curse-y phrases.)  A pet lives in conjunction with their human(s) under some level of restraint.  (Yes, sometimes a pet lives outside of the house in its own house generally hemmed in by either a fence or chain or barn scenario.  [read: not free range])   Essentially a pet is a furry, wet nosed hostage.  This is mine:

Inside?  Check.  On a human bed?  Check.
Safe 'n warm?  Check.  ...Ladies & gentlemen we have a pet.

Things that live outdoors are not pets.  Don't be mad at me.  I don't make the rules, I'm just reporting them.  They are free range animals.  Newsflash:  Feeding doesn't make it a pet.  I can't feed a local coyote and then contend it's my pet.  Why? 'Cause that sounds, and would be fuckin' crazy.  ...Oh, that?  That's my pet deer.  I leave food out for it.  It comes around...    

How long would it take for someone to ask how exactly bat shit crazy you were once ya started talkin' 'bout your pet deer or opossum?  Not long, right?  2.6 seconds, maybe?  (Hello?  Yes, I need to know the procedure for getting someone signed up for a lil' 5150?  Oh?  She's babblin' some bullshit about the existence of outdoor pets, like, she says she has a pet crocodile so send someone immediately.)  ...But say cat and six people will trip over themselves to tell ya about a pack of feral cats they're sustaining, because, ya know;  outdoor pets. 

One of my neighbor's *outdoor pets* gawking at me from my hot tub.

BBGSideBar:  Ugh.  So now I'm gonna have to fight felines this summer to enjoy my deck.  Now you know that's some bullshit.  I'm allergic to cats.  I have to be careful in other peoples homes because they have cats.  That's cool.  We're in charge of what we're in charge of and I'm not in charge of how my body receives and deals with cat-y proximity.  Accepted.  Someone having a cat has never stopped me from hanging out with them.  But I sure as shit shouldn't have to be careful in my own damn (cat free) home.  I've been thinking of ways to deal with the situation.  As I believe that what we put out there reverberates.  Bad begets bad (good, good), call it karma if you will, and I'm not tryin' to invite any extra drama trauma across my path.  Or as I told another neighbor whilst discussing our mutual free range cat overrunning situation, "I did the math.  She (cat feeding neighbor, Kooky McBean [not actual name]) is lucky I'm a 3% better person than I want to be.  'Cause if I were the 3% worse person I wanna be?  There'd already be a bowl of anti-freeze out there.  Problem solved.  Evidently, 3% is where a good amount of--   ...You are not a dick.  ...Now you know you could kill a person if ya had to but there's no way you could kill an animal [like on purpose, not euthanasia].  ...You'd 100% be haunted by some freaky deak-y gaggle of cat ghosts all the rest of your days.  --I can't have that on my head stuff/I'm not that person, lives.  The extra 3% that is who I am (not what I want) is saving those kitty lives."  ...So, non-leathal solutions.  I've heard setting up mouse traps along where they travel?  And putting moth balls out along their trails (which apparently, is conveniently, everywhere [see below].)  Any ideas, my Big Brown Girl World-ers?  Seriously.  Help!

I say sustaining, but honestly I think it's, at least in these parts, kinda cruel.  Let's face it, in large part free range dogs get picked up by the authorities.  But cats?  It's not uncommon to see them pouncing about, well, really, anywhere.  It gets cold here.  (Not a complaint)  It's no surprise when the temp dips into the minuses.  For weeks.  Feeding feral cats doesn't save a cat.  It creates 8 new lil' kitties freezing in sub-zero temps, attempting to dodge the coyotes foraging for food of their own.  Ya know, warm fuzzy, four legged food.  (Meow)   That doesn't make any cat-y situation better, in fact it's worse eight-fold.  So, congratulations?

Last week the weatherman told me that we had been above freezing (32 degrees) for a grand total of two hours total over the past 2 wks.  Schools were closed several times over that period because it was deemed too cold for children (human, dressed in layers, waiting for a bus amount of time outside-- and these are 'Merican kids, so they were probably well insulated to begin with) to be out and about.   But tell me more about how it's humane to be cultivating extra cats to endure such conditions?

I always say when I run the world things are gonna be a lot different.  (#BBG2016)  For starters?  Things that (actually and straight up legit) aren't will no longer be given equal time, benefit of the doubt or agree to disagree designation.  For the same reason we wouldn't put stock into someone contending that cigarettes are healthy or that the earth is flat just because people say/believe it.  They will just be wrong.  There will be no back and forth-ing, (arguing/debating) only an immediate indication of dumbassery followed by subsequent pointing and mockery


                                                                       -  President Josiah Bartlett

Other Cat-y Posts:


Coming Soon-ish Sometime, Other Things That Aren't:
  • Accidental (child) shootings
  • Reverse racism



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