Thursday, September 30, 2010

~New Stuff

I like to try new stuff. Pretty much any time and always. I like knowing that even if I don't like it that I'm checkin' sumthin' off my life list of 'Did I?...' An adventure big or small is always welcome in my life.

Here are a few new things that I've tried or that have happened of late:

-Bubble Tea
I'd seen it forever ago on the Food Network. Bubble Tea is a big thing in Japan, (for LEM: Ja PAN!!) and I'm sure other places, but hey, this is fuckin' Ohio and it takes a while for new fads to hit our shores sometimes. Honestly, I can remember thinkin' that's probably not for me. It's flavored tea with tapioca balls (yep, I said tapioca balls) which settle on the bottom. Apparently you can even get a Bubble Smoothie made with your choice of flavors and froyo.

I chose the traditional tea. I selected honey as my flavor (yeah, I wasn't very adventurous in my pickin's, but I thought pickin' a combination I liked would be the best jumping off point).

...Yeah, I didn't think you could see the gelatinous orbs corralled on the bottom of my drink either...
...You'rrrrrrre welcome!

They were like having extra squishy gummy bears in your drink. If that sounds appealing to you, you'll probably like it. If not, at some point you'll probably end up using them as big, fun spit balls, as I eventually did, much to Double D's dismay and horror.

...Through the car window onto the pavement. Kkkkkkklassy, no? Scads of fun? YES!

-New Light
One evening as Double D and I were hanging out before dinner, I mentioned that I had a project for his To-Do List. The upstairs bathroom light which I had grown to hate. HATE! Was down to two working bulbs. Back when the first bulb in the ol' school hollywood light strip went out I had decided that I was not replacing bulbs, but that the fixture itself would be changed. ...So I say, so it shall be!!... I had owned the new fixture for several, several months and these bulbs were my line in the sand. Enough was efuckin'nuff. I didn't mention any specific time frame for this project, other than that there were only 2 bulbs working and it needed to be done before we ended up brushing our teeth in the dark.

As I started dinner, (some craptastic hodge podge of nourishment of epic proportions, I'm sure.), I heard Double D head up stairs and the tinkering began!

...Let there be light!!!

I patched and painted.

-Met The Ex
I've dated divorced guys before. And certainly even previous other never married guys have had ex's. But for the first time ever I had to meet the ex-wife. I must admit, I was minorly nervous. Not like scared outta my mind, but kind of, 'well, this is new'... Double D's youngest and only girl turned 18 that day and we were attending her birthday party while she was home from college at her mom's house.
No chance for awkward there...

I'm happy to report all was perfectly fine. She was polite and welcoming of me into her home. We had a nice chat about their kids and how I'd had the pleasure of meeting them all and that they are great kids. I told her I knew that no matter what the circumstance, having parents dating is difficult on kids, even mostly grown ass kids. (I left the "grown ass" part out. Look at me showing restraint and being appropriate!!) And that they had been nuthin' but respectful and polite and that I felt that was a sign of good parenting. I know how easy it is to be a brat of a child in those situations, which is not the sign of poor parenting on my folks parts. Trust me, I was waaaaay more of a hand full and force to be reckoned with, as a singleton, than the Octomom has to deal with with her cumulative 14.

At some point Ex/Mom was taking pictures of the festivities and said, "you two get together and I'll take your picture." As soon as those words popped outta her mouth I knew what that scoop was about. I know that pic is being pulled up and shown each time she's recounted the story of Double D's new girlie comin' for a visit. I know because even in the split second that this took place, I realized that I'd have done the exxxxact same fuckin' thing.
And ya know, I gotta respect that. You go girl! Wait. Did I just say "you go girl"? Ugh. Er, I mean, props toots, props.

After a very pretty DQ ice cream cake, Double D, his now legal (she bought a lottery ticket that day, and was carded for it) daughter and I set off to return her to campus about 2 hours away.

-The Case of the Basket
On our journey I spied sumthin' I knew existed, but had never actually laid my peepers on, behold:

The Longaberger Basket building. 7 stories tall. Just in the middle of nuthin'. Fields and farmland and then boom! Big ass basket. I've heard that a small plane can fly under the handle. So there's that. Way to keep it interesting Ohio!
The sun came up today. Ok, not reeeeally, it's pretty fuckin' cloudy and gray, honestly, but my peepers did pop open today so I'm hopin' for sumthin' new to present itself, but you're pretty much caught up for now.
Happy Damn Thursday to you! You may now resume your day.


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

~Haaaaappy Birthday...We're Gonna Die


How often does that string of words tumble outta your mouth?

Yet there they were being hurled into the universe via my pie hole. Always the hallmark of a good birthday, right?

Apparently, several tornado's touched down in the area, fortunately not right the hell here, so whew! for us. For those readers unfamiliar with these parts, a tornado is like the hand of the devil randomly picking your neighborhood, to be smooshed between his fingers, dropped and scattered helter skelter in some cold, rainy patch of land not owned by you. A nasty beast, a tornado is. It comes with all of the accouterments of any other run of the mill thunderstorm that visits us on average 137 days of a year 'round here. So, yeah, that's a lotta fun. 'Is today the day the weather tries to kill me?' No stress there...

Again, thankfully we were not significantly affected by the storm. But again, not exactly the optimal playing out of your fuckin' birthday... My day had been brightened by the beautiful flowers and lovely card Double D brought home. How he picked those flowers I'll never know. We've never had any sort of flower conversation, but the types and colors were spot on with exxxxactly what I would have picked for myself. That man did a great job! And later took me out to din-din, which was steak-y, potato-y goodness.

The next night we saw a band and hung out with one of his pals. Saturday was watchin' the OSU game, and drum roll please...replacin' a water heater.
Not even my water heater. Or his, not that he's there very much anymore. Nope, a friend of his called and we rode over to see what the sitch was with it, next thing ya know, I'm standing in some stranger-to-me cat's basement holdin' a fuckin' flashlight at Double D, while he's out buying a new water heater.


I was holdin' it.

Until some fuckin' hose spewed water at me! I moved at what musta been something approaching the speed of sound at the first hint of getting sprayed. I was fuckin' g-o-n-e.
In my defense, I did run around to the other side to shine the Maglite on Double D as he furiously tried to get the deluge stopped, in the dark...momentarily. Apparently, I'm gonna be good in lotz of fixing situations, based on a few other projects we've tackled together (installing lights, murdering out his tires, installing cable in the bedroom, etc.). Unless I start gettin' hosed down. Double D had the new one hooked up and runnin' in about 90 mins. Good deal. Good friend.

Later we had dinner with Mom & her guy, who I guess after several years now needs a BBG fake name, as I now have no other way of identifying him. Montgomery Inn ribs. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm. While we watched a Reds game and Mom and I had a few cocktails.

Sunday, Double D woke up to me looking at him as his peepers peeled open for the day as I announced we were goin' on a field trip. We stopped at a Waffle House half way between here and the hometown. The big ass sign on the door told us it was the #1 WF in Ohio! Special, special, special! We spent the day wandering around the hometown seeing where I'd grown up, gone to school, had my first job, and all of the other (clears throat) highlights of my ol' stompin' grounds. And then swung by for an unannounced visit with Nana.

On our way outta town we stopped for what may in fact be the best pizza in Ohio. Granted, it's the za I grew up with so I may be just a tad biased.

For Double D it was love at first bite.

It was, even given all of the other hoosafudge that joined in on my birthday (see previous post) a pretty good birthday. Thanks to all who called, emailed, Facebooked, dinnered, cocktailed, presented, etc. in acknowledgement.

P.S. I am still tryin' to shake the cough that my cold brought me but otherwise A-Ok. (Thanks germs and virus's)


Thursday, September 16, 2010

~Yep. That's About Right: The Birthday Edition

So, as you know my birthday and St. Pat's are my favorite holidays of the year. Not even in that order. I enjoy St. Patrick's Day more than my very own special holiday day.

I'm glad they're polar opposite, as it gives me plenty o' time to recuperate from each celebration. Yep. ...It's like this and like that y'all... (I don't know why, but that's turned into my new mind singing of, "bom-bom-bom you XYZ muther fucka". I can not, seemingly, get that song outta my mind and it 'plays' every time how sumthin' is, or "it's like this and like that" crosses my mind.)

So imagine my overwhelming joy (dripping in sarcasm) to find myself on my special day:

1) With a cold. (Thanks Double D!)
2) Waking up to the first rainy, gloomy ass day in weeks 'round these parts. (Spectacular)
3) Having my first ever Papa-less birthday.
4) Starting my period. (Really, Mother Nature? Reallllllly?!?)
5) Having to stand in line at the DMV to get my new tags. (Grrrrrreat) Yes, I know, 30 days ago I coulda mailed the registration in. ...But you know what I wasn't fuckin' thinkin' about 30 days ago?!?

I'm (believe it or not) tryin' to suck it up and wear my big girl panties. Which, I guess, thanks to the period, big girl panties will be in order. Ugh. (Sorry men. Menstruation chat over. But let's face it, if'n you got your period on your most holy of holy days, let's say Super Bowl Sunday, you'd be a lil' bitter too...) Should ya have to feel like ya have ta suck it up for your birthday, or should ya just be havin' a blast? Ugh.

Happy Fuckin' Birthday to me.

(My birthday tiara that I don each year)

It's been a hard year and I just wanted to have an epic birthday. Too much to expect?

Clearly, yes.

I'm not entirely bitter, I know I'm fortunate to have more people than I should love me, and call me a friend. And. That. Is. Awesome. A blessing, in fact. And one I count, everyday. And that I'm generally healthy. I mean, more or less. I'm probably not gonna drop over and die today or anything. But as accident prone as I am, we all know it could be any day that the sun comes up that you'll get a call that I've perished in some freaky fashion. (Fatal inability to Q-Tip and brush my teeth at the same time?-- a la Sesame Street rub your belly/pat your head, or some equally as crazy ass way to go.) Plus, I'm having a really good romantic gig going on. The people I love and care about, family and friends, are in large part good in the 'hood. So I know in the grand scheme of things, I have nuthin' to really complain about. I have a better life than I have a right to. I know it, and I'm grateful.

...But come the fuck on birthday!!!

UPDATE: 17:00...There are tornado sirens going off. Double D and I were outside having a smokey treat after he arrived home and ta-da tornado sirens! I looked at him and said, "happy birthday, we're gonna die". Local news has been more than an hour full time coverage of the storm a creepin' in.



Tuesday, September 7, 2010

~Tragedy, Triumph & Tee Hee's: The Labor Day Edition

The (unofficial) close to the 5th hottest and (grrrrreat) most humid summer on record in these parts came to close in an abrupt way. 90-sumthin' on Thursday and Friday the high was like 73. Yep. That's Ohio. It's like this and like that ya'll...

I took off to the hometown for a pre-arranged visit with my ol' DQ pal, PC, in from the ATL (as the kool kidz call it). We met out at a local H20-ing hole. Yea!! Good to see PC! Tragedy ensued.

In the form of:

1) One word- midget.

Many words- Fine. Too many words- I just...I just, well, like some people feel about clowns, I feel about midgets. Small people. Not kids, I'm fine with kids. But the wee people. I know this is completely wrong, on ever level...unfair, mean, illogical, uncompasionate (yes, I made up a word), narrow-minded, just plain awful...but they give me the serious fuckin' heebie jeebs. I actually feel bad in my tummy. And like I want to burst out into hysterical tears and simultaneous laughter, as my heart beats too fast. Ugh. It's just an awful, terrible feeling I get. (To any miniature readers out there, I truly apologize, well, as much as a person who has such a visceral reaction to your mere existence can have, but really I know that's all kindz of fuckin' wrong on my part. I'm really just very sorry. Again, as much as I have the capacity for. If I were you I'd think I was a horrible human being. We all have our crazy, this is just one of mine. Again, sorry.)

Plus, and this is bad. Like one of the reasons I'm probably goin' to hell, bad. As I admitted out loud to PC, for possibly the first time in my life, I have this irrational fear that I'm gonna punt one of them. As many of you know I have a stupid fear of bridges. Not debilitating, I can drive across one. But they also seriously creep me out.

(I'll admit it, I've cried on a bridge before. To my defense, we were stuck on it due to a crazy fluke with a friends waaaaay back then car and there we were standing on this big ass bridge in Chicago that as we stood there violently vibrated with every passing vehicle. Semis were just too, too scary. Talk about awful! Whoo fuckin' hoo. I musta looked all kindz of crazy to passers-by as I scurried off that bridge cryin' all the way to the other side.)

They give me that creepy feeling of, 'I hope my hands don't lose control and steer me off the side of this bridge', like somehow it might become something out of my control that I don't want to do but might inexplicably happen. The whole way across a bridge leaving me silently running a track of 'don't drive off the bridge' playing through my head. Similarly, I feel the same about the uber diminutive, except the constant train of thought becomes, 'don't punt the midget'.

Wrong Alert: I feel I have to fight the primal, inner desire to punt them. Yes, like through an upright or sumthin'. <--- This is exactly why I try to tactfully dislodge myself from their presence. (And again, yet another reason why I'm not so likely to breach the Pearly Gates)

So imagine my unease as this happened within 15 mins of our arrival?

Then imagine a shot of Beam.

And then imagine (-wait, you don't have to) a teeny tiny (maybe 2 1/4"'s) glass o' beer.

Disclaimer: I would never punt a wee one. I certainly do not suggest that you should either. I'm just sayin...

PC and I continued our boozy catch up and were briefly joined by one of her ol' HS chums.

Culinary tragedy ensued when at some point menu's were consulted, which is when we both became amazed by the, apparently, hot new thing takin' the local area:

Yeah, fuckin' crazy, no?!? Spin/Art dip has arrived on the shores of my hometown-- Awesome! Welcome to 2010 hometown!

Of course, just out of sheer wonderment PC and I had to give it a whirl, along with deep fried cheese balls, which I was just bewildered to hear that she'd never experienced.


(Pretty damn good)

Q: How awful?

A: So awful that after my first bite I asked PC if we should just return it and have it taken off of our bill, or risk having whatever we reordered spit in? Yep, that bad. It was out of a baggie, frozen bad. Terrible. And I'm not exactly a food snob.

After havin' a lil' chat with the barmaid that went a lot like, "Leslie, you're grrrreat, we love everything about you, we're havin' a grand time and we love these cheese balls...but this dip is the worst thing I've ever put into my mouth. Absolute worst." We decided to double down on the deeeelectable deep fried cheddar cheese balls. (Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....cheeze baaaaaaalls) Exactly how much deep fried, breaded cheddar cheese do two girls need? That, I do not know the answer to, but I can tell ya how much deep fried cheddar cheese balls two girls can put away!

Another little local nugget we found amazing was the presence of a kid in a bar. I know, I know. ...'But they had a menu, so it's a restaurant' Ok. I'll give ya that. But should kiddies actually be playin' with Vodka bottles?!? While sittin' at the bar?!?

I had a nice visit with Nana, who sent me home with some chocolate no-bakes. Yum!!

On the way home I was kept company by cute my co-pilot, Uncle John:

And irritated by this guy who insisted on driving in the left lane at 70mph for about 4 miles, causing not only my head coming this close to exploding but dozen cars stackin' up behind me, probably equally as pissy about his lane choice (thanks hoss):

I returned to find a lovely surprise of Double D sitting on the sofa watchin' a game. Sappy Alert: Even though it was just over night, and that I had a hoot of a time with PC, we missed each other. We do not like not hangin' together. The number of mornings we've not been the first person each other saw is not very many. I donno. 7 maybe. Just not our thing, I guess. And that is zero of a complaint.

Within the hour we decided to tackle a project that had been bandied about for a week or so. Double D had grown unhappy with the appearance of his tire wells, or whatthefuckever they are called, and that they would be better with a black finish.

Of course when I say "we" tackled a project, I really mean Double D did all of the work while I stood there in a pink & white floral skirt, white t and cute lil' flip flops. I did however embrace the 'project doin'' mood by donning a Cape Cod logo shaped baseball cap and handing things. And showing my support with the occasional random appearance with an offering of salami, sweet tea or smokey treat. Apparently, moral support is what I bring to the table when it comes to projects.

It took 10+ hours over two days, but I think the results are awesome:

(Double D's ride before)

(After being murdered out)

I'd say that's a triumph!

In between wheel preppin', sanding, priming, layers, clear coats, etc., we managed to slip over to the Italian Car Festival down the way. A million and one cars:

There was one I took particular note of, as I found it to be one of the greatest man made abominations I've ever seen. Behold:


Lavender?!? With some fuckin' creepy ass lookin' dolphins?!? Maybe they were porpoise's and it was part of some Porpoise Driven Life thingy?

I don't know what else to say.

So I will say goodbye for now. Sorry about the length of this posting. ...But it was a looooooooooong weekend. Whatdidja expect?

Thank you Labor Day weekend for all of your tee hee-able goodness.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

~Let's Get It Started

Kids, I am on pins and needles!!!

This morning finds me just hours away from the OSU football season kickoff. I can't wait. And I find myself repeating the mantra, "nooooooo Appalachian State...noooooooo Appalachian State...".

The Buckeyes meet Marshall in the '10 season opener. Most people seem to be pretty confident in a win, but I'm one of those never-forgetters.

I remember the sheer glee and hysterical laughter I experienced as I watched michigan stunned as some lil' ol' kids from AppState handed them their balls back in a purse at the end of the 4th Q a few years ago.

I remember that Tuesday after Labor Day returning to the office, on a 85 degree day to see a guy proudly sporting an AppState sweatshirt. Yes. SWEATSHIRT. He, clearly, felt his physical comfort was a small price to pay for public mockery of that team up north. (North 'til ya smell it, west 'til ya step in it) That's how hard core happy he was that michigan went down.

Damn. It still puts a smile on my face. It was the pentacle of schadenfreude for a Buckeye fan. So much so, that I error on the other side of complete unease at the prospect of meeting, who some consider a "gimme". Personally, I respect the Herd.

Fingers cross. Prayer said. Buckeye in hand, Thursday night is a goooood kick off to the long weekend.

'Round these parts, I know 2 year olds who know this lil' ditty, but in case you don't I've pulled the subtitled version. Enjoy!

O to tha' H people!!

Go Bucks!

(say it with me now: noooooo AppState....nooooooo AppState...nooooooo AppState)

P.S. I'm also thinkin' good footbally thoughts for my other fave college team, the one the only The Fightin' Irish. Go ND! (What kinda Catholic roots against God's team?!? Not moi. Let's face it, it may be my only shot to get into heaven.)

Update: Buckeyes & ND won!!


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

~Hoveround? Hoveryes!

People of the world!!:

If you ever get old, injured, afflicted, or just plain lazy ass, please be comforted with the knowledge that the Hoveround is for you. As mentioned in 'Hoverounds & Whores' entry, over the weekend I took D's hubby R out on a field trip, a lil' outta the house adventure to give him a break from those four walls (technically they have a lot more than 4 walls), and to give D a chance to do whatever she needed/wanted to do for a few hours without having someone under foot for the first time in several weeks.

Of course this meant I had my opportunity to play on R's rented Hoveround. Da' Am. That thing is all kindz a fun!

If any of the above scenarios come to fruition in my life, (and by the fuckin' by, my money is on lazy ass...) I will definitely be Hoverounding (or Jazzy-ing, or Rascaling). These things are AWESOME!!

Q: How awesome?

A: So awesome that once I got on it, I didn't hop off until from sitting/riding in the kitchen I heard R crutchin' it to the bathroom. Yeah. That loooooong. (Disclaimer: Yes. I know. I am an awful person) I zipped and zoomed all over the place. And that thing hauls. Taking a tight turn at the hare speed (as opposed to the turtle speed which is considerably slower-- but as I understand it wins the race...), one could easily tip it. Apparently, R has already tipped it twice.

Plus it has a basket, where I carried my real sugar Coke and my camera. A basket that I managed to bend all the hell up, as I evidently managed to drive it with my boobs as I bent over to do what the hell ever I was attempting to do. Ran it right into the table. Smash, bang, boom.

Helpful Hoverounding Hint: I would advise if you don't intend on moving to turn it off. Otherwise your tata's could easily careen you into people and things.

It goes both forwards and back with an (overly?) easy to use lever. As an added bonus to me, mostly because I enjoy causing a ruckus and being annoying, it also has a horn. Which I've already inquired with D if it could be customized to a ring tone/song of some sort. (Indeed. I am soooooooo that girl.)

Outside of my basket accident, and granted the basket incident was allllllll user error, I found it surprisingly nimble and quick to take off and stop. I'm with D, as she mentioned, knowing about Hoverounding makes the thought of gettin' old a little easier to take.

Today is D's birthday. She doesn't like her birthday (or the fuss involved). Never has. A concept that clearly I have nooooo understanding of, but it's her day, she should have what she wants. And I'm wishing her a happy one!

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