Friday, July 27, 2012

~Home Alone: Reasons Living Alone Sucks

Most people think the bad part of living alone is the solitude. This would of course make most people wrong.

Personally, I enjoy it. Always have. With that being said, it's important to note that I am, admittedly, (surprise!) weird. Always have been.

My Mom tells a story of my kid years and how difficult it was to discipline a Lil' Brown Girl (LBG). I was reared in the spank generation. Ya know, back in the day when you could put a kid over your knee, deliver a swat and not have the child dial up Child Protective Services to activate a report on the parent.

Spanking wasn't a frequent event in my household and I think it's fair to say that when did occur I was totally deserving of it. There came a point when my Mom says she knew spanking was no longer an effective tool in managing my behavior. Apparently that time was the instance when I'd done some kid like heinous thing or the other and as she was doling out my spank and instead of crying I looked up and glared at her. In true, smart Mom like fashion she realized that the days of spanking were over and it was time for a new tactic.

Enter: taking away things.

...Now my LBG room was the entire second floor/attic of our house which included a walk in closet, a double bed, a sitting area replete with a groovy yellow/orange-y pleather love seat and accompanying mod chair, a tv, a record player, a dedicated play area where my racetrack, dolls and other toys lived. Yes. As a 7 year old I had my own apartment.  

P.S. (post spanking) when I did things that required punishment I had items taken away from me; the privilege of watching tv, playing my record player, toys removed, etc., which in theory should have made being sent to my room to be alone and reflect on whatthehellever I'd done a lonely, dismal punishment. Again, in theory...

In actuality, Mom tells me that she would frequently find me in my room 'on punishment', not solemnly contemplating the errors of my ways and how I would rectify/avoid such situations going forward and learnin' my damn lesson, but completely entertaining myself. Making hand shadow animals on the ceiling with a lamp. ...And giggling my LBG ass off.

(Back in 'tha day I made some kick ass dogs & birds!)

...Singing a song to myself. Making believe my hairbrush was a superhero saving my barrettes. Counting the number of outlets in my room. Staring out the windows peekin' in on the neighborhood ta-doin's and making up truths stories about them. Playing with my eyelashes. Trying on clothes pretending to be of a different era, or the newest LBG undiscovered fashion model. Plotting my revenge.

But never was I bored being alone. I still am not.

No. The bad things about living alone are as follows:

  • There is no one else to kill a bug. (My last traumatic bug killing incident - Click)
  • If you go to the bathroom and find pee in the bowl there is no other idiot person to blame.
  • When clothes are found wrinkle-y in the dryer after 4 days there is no one to yell at for their laziness.
  • Knowing that if you choke on your hot dog you are 100% gonna die. Yeah, *they* say you can Heimlich yourself...

...But I've never been sold on the fact that you (I) would be able to generate the amount of force needed to extricate the food.
  • When you find a flurry of hand prints and smudges on your sliding glass door there is no other culprit.
  • All crapass tasks such as taking out the trash are fully your responsibility when there is no one else you can pawn them off on or con into doing.
  • If you see sumthin' ridiculous on TV you A) either have to call someone to see if by some random ass chance they were watching the exact same thing at the exact same time and noticed it. Or 2) DVR it and remember to show it to your next visitor who then thinks your crazy for having made the effort to fuckin' record such nonsense for an after the fact show and tell.
  • There is no one to run out for things you want right the fuck now but are too lazy to go get for oneself. Example: Ice cream.  (<--  And yes.  I currently want some ice cream.)
  • Feeling bad about the frequency and amount you talk to your pet. Sadly, Uncle John (my dog) has yet to attain the Dr Zaius like ability of speech.
(...Although I continue to be hopeful.)

  • Nutritional sketchy-neses. When no one is around there is no mocking voice to say, "fucking really? Mac and cheese for breakfast?!?" or "popcorn is NOT dinner".
  • There is no accountability for stupid purchases. Hence how BBG HQ came to contain; roller skates, a cotton candy machine and a hoola hoop. (And those are the items I'm willing to cop to publicly...)
  • You can't pick a fight with a dog when you're feeling uber irritable and just wanna strike out at someone.
  • When you're sick you must be verrrrry, verrrrry careful and attentive as there is no one else to clean any vomit mess you may make. Let's face it, who want's to be sick and have to be cleaning? A: Nodamnbody.
The list of reasons why living alone is fucking AWWWWWWESOME is significantly longer.  Maybe someday I'll share those, but today I'm busy being an ice cream desirous, kinda pissy I have no one to argue with girl with a dryer full of clean but severely wrinkly clothes and hand smudges on her sliding glass door.   Jealous?


Monday, July 23, 2012

~Firearms: Let The Conversation Begin (Again)

Usually, I have an opinion on things.  All things.  As illuminated to me when someone pointed out the fact that, "you really do have an opinion on everything.  I've never heard anyone feel so strongly about Sonic", after I lamented on my hatred of their craptastic food, save for the tatter tots.

Which makes the following statement so peculiar;

Following the recent mass shooting in Aurora, CO., I find myself even more confused about how I feel about the state of guns in America, and what the solution should be to diminish the violent and tragic ways they're used against one another.

As a girl raised in a household where there were always guns around, due to having two Police Officers as parents, I've always had a love of guns.   As a girl who's Dad had the luxury of returning home one fateful day while working off-duty at a bank because of his sidearm, I've always understood and had a great respect for their life and death usefulness.  I've also experienced, what to this day I suspect, remains my father's proudest moment of me, whilst firing a gun at the range.  (&lt;-Dad's reeeeeeally like knowin' that their lil' girl can take a good center mass and/or dome shot.)  To this day BBG HQ is protected by several well placed firearms, and just last week I was perusing a local shop circular for pricing on Glocks.

Making me not exactly the granola eatin', hackysack playin', hippy-dippy, person that many of my other leanings might lead one to believe.   In fact, I was raised with a very healthy dose of; if some situation unfolds, "if somebody has to die, make it the other guy" mentality.  It's something ingrained in my DNA.  I've always to my core known that I am capable of taking a human life.  Many people I know have no idea, if pushed if they have what it takes to kill.  And while thankfully, I've never been in such a situation, I know like I know that my eyes will blink in the next few seconds that if I had to, not only could I, but I would.  (And yeah, I'd feel bad about it later, and I'd hate having to carry around the life altering emotional baggage that accompanies such a decision, but carry it I would.)

While I strongly believe that 'guns don't hurt people, people do', I must concede that people with guns do an inordinate amount of shitty stuff with guns to the detriment of countless innocent people, as most recently and horrifically demonstrated in a movie theater in Colorado.

I cannot rectify the balance between personal freedom to bear arms, as guaranteed to us by the 2nd Amendment (click) and the obvious and overwhelming need to protect a 6 year old (click) girl catching the latest Batman flick, from someone who legally acquired the firearms and ammunitions used to kill her.

In the weeks and months that will follow I'm sure more information on the shooter will come to light regarding his motivation and, as I can only imagine, mental issues.  Which I say simply because these are actions not indicative of someone mentally stable, and not as an excuse, or defense of his actions.  Clearly, the blame for the lives lost and altered by his actions belongs squarely and solely on him.


He legally purchased 6,000+ rounds of ammunitions.

He legally purchased an assault rifle.

And I don't believe that either should be things a citizen can do legally, and seemingly unnoticed by authorities.

Ya know who needs 6,000+ rounds of ammo?  The military.  A police department.  ...But no private citizen has a need for such a cache.  No individual with sound judgement and without nefarious intentions, at least.

I also believe that no private citizen needs an assault rifle

As I mention, I don't have a "problem" with guns per se.  Personally, don't give a shit about a hunter having a rifle(s), or a homeowner with a hand/shotgun(s), but an assault rifle capable of firing 50 - 60 rounds a minute in the hands of an individual not wearin' fatigues, stationed in a hostile overseas environment fighting the enemy, isn't a game killing tool, or a intruder stopping machine, it's a killing machine used, well, for exactly what this ass in Aurora did.  It seems there should be some regulation to ensure those aren't falling into the hands of people simply because they want them.  ...Which I know begins the:

The argument is always the loss of 'freedom' to own what currently is legal to own.  That losing the right to own one type of firearm (assault rifle) will lead to losing the right to own a revolver.  And then of course there'll be anarchy!  Law abiding citizens will be at the complete mercy of illegal gun possessing crims.  That assertion frequently looks like this:

Which is a viewpoint that on the surface doesn't seem erroneous.  After all the blame does lie with those who plot such devious and devilish deeds.  However, don't we, as a society, the force behind establishing the rules we all must live by bear some responsibility to reign in the things that pose the greatest danger to our society?  Gun control is positioned as a dirty word(s), by many.  But don't instances like this demand a greater amount of control than we currently have?  I mean, lead paint used to be the norm, allowed and legal, but once we grasped the large scale danger of it, it was outlawed.  Paint wasn't outlawed.  Just the very, most dangerous part of it.  Isn't there room for some sort of similar logic, restraint and regulation in gun control?

As a culture, in many ways built on the power of a firearm, we're never going to be a country without guns.   We're never going to be a land where only criminals who tend not to, ya know, follow laws will be the only people with guns.  Bubba, gun-tottin' grannies, and me will always have legal access to firearms.  But is there no room to do away with the most devastating firearms?  I mean, again, we did away with the most dangerous cars (Corvair's, Pinto's, etc.), but didn't give up cars completely.  How is this conversation different?

We can't legislate people not to kill other people, even though there are laws against murder.  People intent on such behaviors will always find a way.  If it's not a gun, it would be a knife, or a baseball bat.  But I fail to understand why it's considered by so many wrong to at least take away an option that has no other use or value in the hands of an individual?  Can't we have a set up that makes it so that a stranger walking into a theater can only shoot 17 rounds before he has to reload, and not 100...and still be "free"?  Isn't there room to work on how people can purchase ammunition to have a play day at the range, or to a weekend of turkey shooting (P.S.  ...while I could kill a person, I could never hunt and kill an animal.  And yes, I'm a veracious carnivore.  But I'd probably have to be a vegetarian if it was dependant that I kill my own meat.  ...I am, if nuthin' else a dichotomy.) without a hassle, but that purchasing 6,000+ rounds raises some sort of red flag to authorities? 

Obviously, I'm not an expert on the subject of guns, or instituting laws, but I can see that as things stand there are too many opportunities for grand tragedies such as Aurora to continue if things are not addressed.  Conversations need to be had.  Decisions need to be made.  The status quo is not good, safe or reasonable enough. 
"The fact that we can't stop ALL gun violence
isn't enough of a reason to do nothing and
not prevent at least some of it." 
                                                           ~ Moi

My question(s) to you is:  Does there need to be a mental stability test given before firearms are sold?  Do firearms/ammo sellers need to report amount of weapons sold to individuals to some governmental agency for oversight?  If so, what's the allowable amount before someone is deemed kooky and perhaps dangerous?  What should be done to prevent Aurora from happening again?  How do we acknowledge the validity behind Ronald Regan's quote and facilitate a safer society?  ...So, here we are starting the conversation once again after innocent families are tasked with burring their loved ones.  What is the answer?  How can we help prevent other families from doing the same, next month?  Next year? 


Saturday, July 21, 2012

~Well, That Takes Balls...

Dear Men,
(...'Cause I think we allllll know no woman would ever do this.)

Big steel balls dangling from your truck doesn't make me think how tough and manly you are.  It just makes me wonder how small yours are.  So congratulations on that.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

~The Bitch IS Back

Well.  It's official...

I know you probably hoped thought I was dead.


I'm not.

...Actually, right about now I wish I had some grand and gasp(!) worthy reason for my blog-y absence.  Alas, I.  Do.  Not...

Nothing horrible or tragic has transpired.  Nor can I report that I've been oh-so busy fulfilling my duties traveling the country making inspirational speeches and cutting ribbons with fantastically large scissors as the reigning Miss America, as once a-fucking-gain I was apparently not nominated.  The past several months have also not found me squandering my substantial lottery windfall on, what we alllllll know would be refuckingdiculous purchases (as you can already see by the fact that I am, as it seems, overly enamored by big ass ceremonial scissors, and that I keep this list:  Gift Ideas I & II [click] --which of course are things I secretly covet)  and sketchy investments.  (Note to BBGself:  Remember to play the lotto!!)  60 pounds have not magically disappeared from my body.  And I have not only not checked anything off of my bucket list, I didn't even use the time since my last post to even make a bucket list.

...So there's that.

Yes.  You probably do deserve a better explanation than that after you've invested time hanging out here peepin' in the BBGWorld window 'n all.  But that's what I've got.  Suck it!  (<-- And, yes.  I too often wonder why I have any friends at all.)

As I so abruptly stopped our lil' cyber story time, consider this my equally as abrupt reviving of the BBGWorld. 

On a positive note, the past several silent months have amassed a cornucopia of random and cracked out BBG involved adventures which I'll bore regale you with with in the next few days/weeks.  So while nuthin', as Charles Barkley would say, 'turrible', and nothing outta this world/fanfuckigtastic happened, I am armed with time-wasting entertaining things to share.  Including such instant classics as:

  • There were almost a fisticuffs. 
  • The 'racino': The new age freak show.
  • Mom get's hitched.
  • Iron Maiden or bust.
  • And more!

Chat again soon. 

I promise.

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