Showing posts with label AAI (Anti Ass Initiative). Show all posts
Showing posts with label AAI (Anti Ass Initiative). Show all posts

Thursday, June 25, 2015

~ I'm A Loser, Baby: The True Heritage Of The Confederate Flag

Soon we'll celebrate 239 years as a republic with all of the cautionary mannequin burning, exploding watermelon, 'annnnnnnd that's how I lost my eye/hand' firework-y glory we can muster.  It's (July 4th) a celebration of winners.  Ask any American and they'll tell ya the story of plucky patriots who kicked Team King George's ass. 

They'll probably leave out that roughly 20% of the boots on the ground at the time were Loyalists.  For those historically challenged, Loyalists were colonists who took the side of the redcoats. 

Things you never hear: 
"...My 5x great grandfather was a loyalists."
Things you always hear: 
"...My 5x great grandfather was a patriot."
Mathematically this doesn't hold up.  ...Somebody's lyin'. 
Apparently, about one in 5 of everyone that tells ya of their looooong
line of American lineage has a pants on fire problem. 

By all rights up to 20% of Americans capable of tracing their familial roots to Revolutionary times should shake out to be what we would call, losers.  We don't.  But only because A) as a whole we're pretty shitty at knowing/understanding history and 2) Loyalists got to the 'bidness of lickin' their wounds and assimilating, (or movin' to Canada/hoppin' the boat back to England) and not to the 'bidness of holding onto a symbol of their traitorous beliefs and behaviors.   In short they had the good fuckin' sense to stop drawing attention to their participation with the loser side of history. 

...And that's the part of the confederate flag debate I've never understood.

For the life of me I can't grasp the concept of highlighting loser endeavors and affiliations.  There's a reason Coke doesn't remind us about New Coke, Ford isn't pushin' hard to feature the Pinto as part of their corporate heritage and the Cubs don't have a big ass mural devoted to the '19 scandal team in the outfield.   It's the same reason I, as a staunch Buckeye fan, don't rock a commemorative t-shrit from the '08 BCS National Championship Game.  (Or listen to, with any measure of enjoyment The Eye Of The Tiger anymore) Thanks, LSU

Reminder:  #LoserStrong (Is not an actual thing.)

That anyone would choose to hitch their heritage to the most spectacular attempt of sedition in our nation's history is batshit crazy boggling.  ...For ya know, folks who ostensibly would like ya to believe they're grrrrreat 'n loyal Americans.  'Cause nuthin' says 'loyal citizen' like, yeah, I'm down to wage war to overthrow our government.

The fact that 150 years after the end of the Civil War the confederate flag, the official symbol of a failed insurrection, is still so widely and popularly displayed leaves me only to assume that somewhere there's a large contingent of those who do fly a confederate flag who are also probably involved in petitioning for a National Benedict Arnold Day and in the push for Aaron Burr to replace Hamilton on the $10.   


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

~ I Like Those Titties

...Was exxxactly the reaction I was hoping for when I dressed myself today. (Disclaimer:  ...Now the other day because, I'm a shit blogger.)  So, thanks, three guys' sittin' in the car in the parking lot at Lowes. 

It was pretty awesome to be minding my own fuckin' business running benign errands like buying screen to re-screen my slider and to be put in a position where my choices were to stride over to you and start slappin' every one of your guffawin' faces (which, P.S.  your Mom, sister, wife or daughter would have totally sanctioned upon discovering your behavior towards some random ass DIY capable chick) or ignoring your crass ass comment. 

Today I chose the latter.  You may be wont to believe that I chose that course of action because;  A) It wasn't any big deal.  2)  It was just a joke.  Or III)  It was a no harm/no foul situation.  ...Or any of the other completely bullshit reasons one uses to justify being a, well, I'd say dick, but that would be doin' a disservice to dicks.   It wasn't.  It was because there were three of you and I knew I couldn't take ya all when things inevitably got contentious.  So, congratulations.   You used your time here on earth today to be an asshole to some skirt who had the audacity to need to leave her house to buy something, and have boobs. 

Now these were grown ass men.  Forties?  50's?  Old enough to know that, "I like those titties" (replete with laughter) is lame, rude and as I mentioned earlier, asshole-y.  I've always found it vexing how guys, especially ones old enough to, ya know, know better (otherwise known as: older than 5) and those with daughters (/mothers/sisters/grandmothers/wife/et al*) somehow delude themselves into thinking speaking/treating someone else's daughter in a "I like those titties" way is acceptable and appropriate. 

In fact, if I were a bettin' chick I'd wager tens of dollars that if any one of those guys heard some other guy(s), "I like those titties"-ing their wife/daughter/sister/etc., as she participated in mundane tasks-- like, getting out of her car,  it'd be ass kickin' time.   

Today it wasn't. 

But only because I displayed a judicial use of good judgment.  Not because it wouldn't have been an appropriate reaction.  As I told one of my besties, AnonD, "it wasn't a, I had to fight 3 men situation."  In the moment nobody on the face of this earth wanted to fight 3 men more than me. 

Which for those keeping score cards is when and where the line is crossed between a dumbass comment that one may find offensive, and one that no fuckin' bones about it is offensive.  

Pro Tip: 
If a woman's reaction to your 'flattering' comment is
contemplating committing a violent act on you? 
Consider your approach a fail. 

Yep.  Always...  WTF, guys?

Obviously, "I like those tittles" isn't the biggest problem in the world.  Hell, it's not even the biggest problem of my day...  The point is that considering the possibility of fisticuffs with several dudes, due to that kind of 'everyday' type of comment as the result of pointing out that what they've just done/said is fucked up, shouldn't be a normal part of a (any) skirt's day.  ...And look.  I'm a big chick.  I'm average man height.  I'm not one who tends towards being intimidated, or feeling vulnerable to a guy simply because he's a guy.  But imagine that if a grown ass girl who's cold cocked a Chicago Po-Po flat on his ass into some bushes feels intimidated and vulnerable, what your 13 year old daughter (who hasn't had a lifetime of similar experience to draw from), or 5'2" sister (who isn't in any position to, even if need be, tussle with a 6' 2" dude) must feel in similar situations?  And what her situational 'coping' tactics must be limited to when she knows that speaking up and calling straight up bullshit, bullshit, is never going to be seen as an opportunity to reassess how much of an asshole he/they're bein', and is always going to be taken as an invitation to escalate to a situation. 

I wish I were one of those quick with a comeback folks.  I'm not.  Which is why my options are narrowed to ignore/cause bodily damage (and go to jail).  I know violence isn't the answer.  Or so I am told.  But ignoring isn't the answer either.   Not for women, and honestly?  Not for men.  I loathe the term catcall--  it does a disservice to what's really at play here...  There's nothing kitty cute about a man/group of men making a chick feel like she's in potential peril (from either doing nothing, or doing something) because he/they happen to cotton to the looks of her lady parts.  "I like those tits" and all of the iterations most XX-ers reading this are all too familiar with, isn't a 'boys will be boys' thing. 

Boys Will Be Boys Things:
- Leaving toilet seat up
- Cultivating toe nails as weapons
- Nut tapping
- Fart amusement
- Differentiating Phillips and ...honestly I don't even fuckin' know, I just call 'em "Twosies" and "Foursies" screwdrivers
- Bets resulting in embarrassing tattoo pay-ups

It's a far less nebulous thing than boys bein' boys.  And it sure as shit isn't a display of how any man worth his salt comports himself.  It's verbal sexual intimidation. What it's not is flirting.  Or being complimentary.  It's being a USDA grade-A douchebag.  Regardless of how many Axe commercials ya've seen, douchebaggery is not a quality chicks are searchin' out.  For women, the it's bad for you/us is pretty obvious.  For men, sexual verbal intimidation of chicks is bad for all guys isn't as readily recognizable, generally, but in case ya hadn't noticed societies who treat their women poorly are shitholes.  Get a globe.  Fuck.  I'm so old.  ...At least I didn't suggest an encyclopedia (for you youngin's an encyclopedia is the paper version of what we used to look shit up before Ask Jeeves was born.)    ...  Do a lil' Googling on regions where women are treated (mostly-ish) with a sense of equality (aka: r-e-s-p-e-c-t) and you'll see places you'd (if you had to move to another country for 5 years) be ok with livin'.  Places where women aren't tend to rhyme with; La-molly-a  and Math-gan-a-stan.  Societies that don't treat their women well are places that aren't even good for men.  (I'm not saying women are better than men.  I'm saying men are better when/where women are shown the respect of decent treatment.  ...Ya know, like being able to run an errand without 3 leer-y guys verbally accostin' you over the existence of your hooters... )  ...Which I know, is big picture-ing, but on a macro level?  Do you really want the cute girl you're about to chat up to be fresh off a "I like those titties" incident as her last point of reference when a male stranger making contact was involved?  Is that good for your business?  No.  No, it's not.

Verbal Sexual Intimidation,
here's what you can do about it:
If you are guilty of "I like those titties"-ing someone --  Stop that shit.  Immediately.  Seriously.

If you know/have seen/are witnessing guys who "I like those titties" girls/women --  Tell them it's bush league bullshit.  Remind them how little they'd appreciate some dude yelling that at their mother. (aka: See sumthin' shitty, say sumthin' shitty.)

If you are looking for alternate ways to address obnoxious assholes insistant on alerting you to their enjoyment of your rack, check out these options:

This...   #YouOkSis 

...These passoutables;   (BBG Legal Notification:  I, BBG being of sound-ish mind do hereby call dibs on the invention of the word passoutables.  Copyright pending.)

...And (what I wish I'd have been quick enough to have retorted myself, and am definitely gonna remember for the inevitable next time)  "You sound like you have a small dick." 

And now, some P.S.'s...

P.S.  The * she's somebody's sister, mother, wife, 3rd cousin 2x removed reasoning for why a guy shouldn't "I like those tittes" girls is actual bullshit.  A woman ought to be free from such things because she is a human fuckin' being.  Period.  End of story.    

P.P.S.  For the Official Record, I love when guys make their presence known and that they dig what I'm workin' with.  I'm a big fan of a man complimenting and/or flirting with me.  Big fan.  I've had entire days made by a non-asshole-y compliment.  Hell, a few weeks back I encountered some random guy who completely busted a move to hold a door open for me and commented on how pretty I looked in my dress.  (BBG:  "Thank you--  you just became my day-maker!")  Now did I catch him takin' a gander at my hooters?  Yes.  They rarely go unnoticed.  The point is at no nanosecond during this unsolicited interaction did I have the urge to hit him.  And honestly?  "I like those titties"?  If a guy who has actually seen 'em says that to me?  I'm gonna get very, 'yeeeaaah, baby' real quick.  To write this post off as the musings of an overly sensitive prude-y/opposed-to-any-overture chick is erroneous. 

P.P.P.S. (...Now I'm just tryin' to set a P.S. world record)  What was I wearin'?  What the fuck difference does it make?  I will say this;  I'm not so na├»ve as to think that clothes don't have the power to predicate how people treat you, they do.  Which is exactly why I didn't show up at Lowes sportin' a nippleless bra top and daisy dukes.  Even I'm sorry for that visual.  Ok, good sense and decorum kept that from happening, but honestly unless I've accessorized with an actual pole, slammin' soundtrack, some ping pong balls, a minimum drink requirement and a bouncer?  ...I wasn't dressed in a manner that one would reasonably expect to have to be dealin' with some assholes "I like those titties"-ing ya.  So what I was wearing doesn't really matter, now does it?  Fine.  Now that I've mentioned nippleless bras I feel like I should specify to avoid rumors gettin' started confusion;   A dress.  A lil' run of the mill summertime dress appropriate enough to pop into damn Lowes, and it literally revealed zero cleavage.


Saturday, June 21, 2014

~ Pride

Is it wrong that I had pride today?  Having been raised and matriculated at Our Lady of Badass Catholic Kidz I know being prideful is frowned upon.  (Along with a few other things I occasionally dabble in [7 Deadly Sins - #1 and #3 are particular personal faves]).

But today's pride was Pride pride.  For today, dear friend, I created a new term.  A term that I expect will sweep the nation. 

In fairness, there's a strong possibility I'm simply co-opting an existing term.  There's also a strong probability that my alternate usage will, in meeting with the same fate of my attempted revival of the term 'snatch', not, in fact, sweep the nation.  I just like to keep it real.

Today's random adventures put me in proximity of a former local radio celebrity.  As the only other person in the room I didn't consider myself eavesdropping as there literally was no way I couldn't have heard the conversation.  The former uber popular, I'm talkin' back in the day she was the queen of the (radio) market, made mention that she after being married for x years she came out and started livin' her authentic life.  They also were discussing the Pride ta-doin's this weekend in BBGmetropolis.

Because I've never met a stranger, or put much stock into resisting one of the life mantras I hold so dear;  I do what I want, I quickly found myself sideling up to display my nails.  My manicure was, and yes I am embarrassed to admit this, a joke manicure created solely for my own personal amusement.  I know.  That's ridiculous.  Know what else?  Suck it.  A few weeks ago an ol' friend, (codename) Oscar, posted a series of photos chronicling ROYGBIV.    A few weeks ago I also read that applying white polish as an undercoat vs. traditional base coat (which I never use) was the way to go because it provides a true-er foundation for whateverthehell shade you chose to top it with.  Which totally made sense, so I gave it a whirl.  ...Then things became problematic.  In the I can't decide which color to use in this wee nail-y color science experiment, kinda problem.  So.  As anyone who does what they want as much as possible I'm not a complete asshole I took inspiration from Oscar's ROYGBIV-ing and spelled it out with polish.  My pragmatic side told me it was a comprehensive way to evaluate the tip with a wide spectrum of colors.  My, I'm 13 side told me it was hifuckinglarious.

Made even more so by the fact that I purposefully made it read correctly when I look at it, not when displayed to others.  Now, in fairness?  That I did do because I'm an ass.  Because I suffer from tooliteralism (click to diagnose yourself) I consider ROYGBIV a name, rather than the mnemonic it is, therefore I spaced mine out to read Roy space G space Biv.  If you're asking yourself if I realize I'm a hot mess?  The answer is also, yes.  Behold:

Don't judge me.  It's a 2wk old mani.

I crash the conversation show my nails, to what seems like the delight and slight amusement of the four random chatters.  I may have been overly anxious to share my new found knowledge.  Yep.  Here it is 2014 and I've just discovered that Roy G. Biv is the rainbow flag.  I knew the rainbow flag was a thing.  I knew Roy G. Biv was a thing.  I did not know they were the same thing.    I'm not proud of this fact.  I'm simply sayin' it's so.  Once I found out Pride (Grand Marshal'd by George Takei) was this weekend I decided to overlook the almost two week wear 'n tear and hold onto it as an ally for a few more days.  The problem is I loathe the word ally.  'I'm a gay ally.'  ...I am.  But the word.  Ugh.  First of all when I spell it, it becomes this big ally vs. alley? debate, that listen, I've got other shit goin' on--  I just don't need.  Therefore it's a term, although accurate, I don't engage in.  If I'm being honest?  I almost took it (nail polish) off because the thought of, 'if someone notices and asks you about it you might in some context have to say ally.'  A concept that was almost too much.  But I reconsidered and decided a demonstrative, albeit, a lil' batshit crazy display of solidarity was the proper message to put out into the world.  Even if I was in danger of being faced with the a-word.  I'm selfless like that.

Once the swell of Ooooooh's and Aaaaaaaaah's subsided the former DJ asked if I was "family"?  In what, admittedly makes me a freak, since 10 minutes ago had no idea of the Roy G. Biv/rainbow connection (Kermit shout out!), I immediately knew that "family" means gay (/on the LBGTQ spectrum).  'Cause I'm cool like that.  My answer, and the birth of the new term I'm gifting to the world;   "No.  But I'm family friendly."

Family friendly.  Finally.  A supportive term I can live with.  What used to stand to denote that a movie/tv show would be boob and George Carlin 7words free kid appropriate shall henceforth be recognized as the go-to phrase to mean, "I want EVERY American to have the same privileges being a grown ass straight American provides. Period.  End.  Of.  Fucking.  Story." 

It wasn't until the moment had passed that I felt what I can only describe as Pride-y pride at the invention (fine.  Straight up co-opting.) of the term.  An off the cuff and somewhat smartassy retort turned out to be a better contribution to solidarity albeit far less hi-larious than my fabulous unintentional turned intentional mani. 

To mark 'family friendly' being an official thing I have started #FamilyFriendly. (I'm at the super creative handle @TheBigBrownGirl)  Feel free to share (or here in the comments) how/when/why you've shown your support for equality for all.   The best way we, as family friends can make things right for our LBGTQ peeps is to flex our muscle to show that we also demand equality on their behalf.     

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." 
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

 Related Post:    My Big Fat Gay Manifesto



Thursday, August 4, 2011

~RIP Civility & Common Sense (AAI/Anti Ass Initiative)

I'm intolerant of, and prone to fits of rage over surprise! a very few things.

Official Piss A BBG Off List:
1) Dumbassidness/lack of common sense/rudeness/inconsideration
B) Intolerance

Mostly, other stuff is just mildly irritating and after some curse laden rant easily rolls off my back.  Yesterday, however, brought me in close personal contact with several people exhibiting various degrees of #1.

I'd like to tell you I'm a better person and that I manage to take a play outta Gandhi's book.  Unfortunately, such people/circumstances in turn tend to make me assy.

Several of the people I had interactions with yesterday left me thinkin' I wish I had a brick.  Yes.  To aggressively bash them in the head with.

Ass numero uno:
Mr. Why-wouldn't-I-just-push-my-cart-at-an-excruciatingly-slow-rate-down-the-center-of-the-parking-lot-isle.  Um, while there's a car behind me? 

Leaving me to (because I know how big my car is to) buzz him at an uncomfortably (for him) close manner, whilst muttering some of my favorite colorful phrases, while attempting to prevent my head from exploding.   ...And now your assyness has made me assy.  Thanks, you rude, thoughtless, son of a bitch sir.

Ass exchange B:
I'm carrying two bags of dog food.  That's all.  I'm walking towards the closest checkout when a man (older than me, but not old) all of the sudden speeds the fuck up to out pace me by one fucking step to get in front of me.  Really hoss?  Reeeeeally?!?  With your damn cart FULL of shit. 

Kids, remember when we treated each other with a modicum of civility?  When a gentleman would yield to a lady?  Fuck that, when a customer (regardless of gender) with 45 items would insist on the person with 2 go ahead?  Asshole!

So, once again, I'm the assy one, because, well, I think you know, I'm not havin' that.  At least I'm not havin' that without callin' your sorry excuse for a human being ass out.  Yeppers.  I'm that girl.  (And the older I get, the more of that girl I become.  Needless to say, elderly BBG is gonna be quite sumthin'.)  Others might let you slide with that lil' bullshit move.  But what you got from me in a tone loud enough for other to hear was... "I remember when we used to treat one another with civility and courtesy.  We're not doin' that anymore?  Noted.", as I give you the dreaded look

In yet another store, ahem, the first store I went to to purchase said Uncle John food, they were out of his brand/flavor.  When I asked the workerbee where else I could go to find it, she suggested a place that I know for a fact doesn't carry it.  It's the reason I go to her place in the first damn place!  Serious biz?  If you don't know I can find it there, don't fuckin' suggest I haul my cookies and waste my gas going there.  Just say you don't know.  Or better yet, engage in a lil' thing called customer service and make a call to find out.  (<-- because FYI that's the kind of thing that breeds customer loyalty.)  You being out is not a complete deal breaker.  You sending me on some wild goose chase is a deal breaker.  Use the synapses your maker gave you and t-h-i-n-k for fuck's sake. 

Turns out after Googling, calling to ensure they (store #2/in case you're from around these parts; The Anderson's) had the needed flavor, they were $6 cheaper per bag.  ...So guess who just lost a customer?  Yes, in part due to price, but in equally as large part due to your staff's dumbassidness.  Congratufuckinlations PetSmart!  This didn't make me say or do anything, other than call you out on the interweb, PetSmart.

The last person who made me wish for a rifle with a powerful scope and a bell tower was some dingy broad I had the misfortune of being behind at a traffic light.  She was first at the light, I was the second vehicle, we were both turning right and had the red.  Apparently, either unfamiliar with the most basic of traffic laws, or a completely ill equipped to be let out without supervision using major thoroughfares, she sat through numerous enormous gaps in traffic as if she was waiting for the Pony Express to deliver her invitation to proceed with the turn.  I just find that inconsiderate of others. 

Thankfully for everyone, I did not have a brick at my disposal, nor a scope, or ready access to a bell tower.  Damn it!  Why doesn't my city have a bell tower? 

I realize none of this paints me in a positive light.  However, I didn't wake up yesterday morning with any grand desire to be a bitch.  It wasn't on my To-Do list at all.  My only saving grace is that A)  I only strike out at those directly responsible for pissin' me off.  2)  I only strike out after someone else has played their assy card first.  So if that makes me a bad person, so fuckin' be it.

Of course, as much as I'd like to delude myself into believing the contrary I am not perfect.  If you've spent more than 3 minutes in the BBGW, you are well aware of that fact.  The myriad of dumb ass shit I do, consider, concoct is staggering.  With that said, one of my main BBG rules I try to live by each day is to not allow my actions and behaviors to negatively impact the rest of the peeps roaming the earth.  While I'm busy doin' my BBG thing, I'm actively tryin' to not have my BBGness hose you for the day.  Is it too fuckin' much to expect that the collective you's (not you dear reader, clearly by your presence here, you are smarter than that) in return conduct yourselves in a similar manner?  Apparently, yes...

Before someone gets hurt Something must be done about these asses among us, people.  And realistically I can't shoot or render them comatose with a brick address them all.   I know it's been a while since this bee invaded my bonnet, but we've got to get on this project.  I am accepting suggestions on how to deal with these people.  Ideas?  Suggestions?  Tactics?  Leave a comment, or click my otherwise empty profile and email BBGW HQ directly.  I refuse to believe that we can't put a stop to this.  I refuse to believe that I have to spend the remainder of my time on this earth being assy as a coping tool for, well, tools.  Let's do this.

Viva la AAI/Anti Ass Initiative!!


Wednesday, April 27, 2011


People are asses. I know everyone has to have one. But be one? Come on now. That's a choice. Choose better, please. I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge to strike out with a brick to the head.
~♥ BBG

...Was my status update.

I know it's not always easy not to be an ass.  However, it's also not like the worlds hardest fuckin' task ever either. 

In large part the only requirements to not be a straight up ass are:
  • Self restraint
  • Do unto others-ness
There were 111 more steps to logging on to this computer for heavens sake.  Yet, not being an ass seems to be sooooo difficult for sooooo many.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes you have to be an ass.  Sometimes the world just won't have it any other way.  But that's assy for a reason, not just assy for the sake of bein' an ass.    

I hate to go all, 'All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarden', but reeeeally; play fair with the others.  Share.  Be honest.  Do right.  Avoid being completely self centered.  Value others.  Be considerate and thoughtful.   ...Which while not that hard to do are all concepts that seem to be going the way of cursive writing and the dodo bird. 

As part of my ongoing quest to be part of the solution, I offer up the following suggestion.

(Print, cut and liberally pass out to people who give you ass.)

Perhaps you could even jot down their assy offense and in the true spirit of the BBG, describe how being an ass can be avoided next time.  Jamie Oliver has his food revolution, I, today am starting the official Anti Ass Initiative (AAI).  Congratulations!  You are all charter members.  Face it, if'n you're here, you're already a cool kid, likely of exceedingly high good judgement.  Together we can get some shit done.  We can take a step towards changing the actual world, correcting one assy dolt at a time.  

I'm just sayin', a group of people started the civil rights movement, let's be the folks who start the be civil movement.  Let's start to eradicate the assy behavior that it seems we're ever increasingly exposed to. 

Enough is efuckin'nough. 

Can I get an amen?

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